It occurs to me that evenI'mnot sure what's going on.
"Do they know?" I ask. I direct the question at Kingston, but quickly swivel to Kai, then Callahan and Lanz. "Does the Consistory know?"
"That reminds me," Kai interrupts. "Lent's over, right? I'm taking this fucking thing off." He stuffs a hand down his shirt and fishes out the two leather strips and pendants that hang down his chest and back: the scapular. He drops it on the table unceremoniously.
Morgan cocks her head. "What even is that?"
"A scapular," Kingston answers. "We're meant to wear them in Lent. A devotional practice."
"A talisman, you mean?" Morgan raises an eyebrow. "And you guys claim you're so different from magic."
"Can someone answer my question, please?" I raise my voice a little. "Do they know, or not?”
“About what?” Callahan clarifies. “Which part? The part where--"
"Any of it," I interrupt. “About me, about...what happened"--I can't find the right words--"when we were at St. Ignaty, about--”
“Search me,” Kai says. “I'm not the one with the direct through-line to France.” He slides a glance at Kingston. “Guess I'm assuming you were on top of that.”
Kingston pushes his food around, staring straight at the table.
“And?” Kai prompts.
Kingston breathes out hard through his nose. “I don't know. I haven't been in touch with them.”
“You haven't?” Kai's incredulous. “What do you mean?”
“I mean exactly what I just said,” Kingston says again, his voice clipped. “I haven't written.”
“Well, havetheywritten to us? Don't they keep some kind of regular tabs or something?” Kai says, waving his arms around.
“They usually go through Father,” Kingston says, “went through, and I...”
“So go look in his mailbox,” Kai cries. “It's right on campus. I mean, you should have done that first thing, right?”
Kingston doesn't answer.
“Give him a break, Kai,” I say.
Kai looks at me, not harshly, but pointedly. “This isn't something that'll get better or go away if we ignore it, Gwenna. Those motherfuckers are—” he can't seem to grasp the right word.
“Cunning,” Lanz fills in for him. “Very cunning.”
“Yeah.” Kai gives a sharp nod. “Personally? I’d love to justfuck the pain awaylike you two are, but?—”
“Hey.” Kingston, Cal, and I all say the same thing at the same time. Lanz goes even paler.
Kai balks. But only briefly. “You know what I fucking mean,” he mutters, darting a glance at Kingston.
“And here I was thinking that our first Easter without Luther would be free of family drama,” Morgan says under her breath.
I'd laugh if I weren't so tense. Instead, I take a sip of my wine. It's good, I think, oaky and a little bit sweet, but right now I mostly just want it to do what wine does. It could be grain alcohol for all I care.
Because Kai's right. Over the past week, it's like Kingston wants to crawl inside my skin every moment he feels stressed or scared. And that's basically every moment he's awake. And I don't mind, because I need it too, in a way. I want it too, certainly. I want so desperately to be normal and just have thisbe the end of a regular spring break where I'm about to go back to classes.
But that isn't what's going to happen, and I can't keep being that for him either.
“We don't have any of the equipment either,” Callahan points out. He blushes a little. “I mean, I realize that's really beside the point right now, but?—”
