I send her away with rations, a jar of fresh water, and one of my blankets. I promise I’ll come get her once I’ve spoken to Elle.
“As soon as it is safe,” I promise.
“Safe for my sake or yours?”
I don’t have an answer. Not when she leaves the lighthouse, not when I lock the door, and not when I return to my bed with tea still sweet on my tongue.
17Elle
To Change
Can a lie become alchemized into truth?
Did I lie to Liney about the girl? Every action that night was focused on my sister. I barely noticed the girl following us across the island, slipping in behind me. I pushed her out of our home. Or did I? Was I as delirious as Liney? I’ve been seeing visions too. Hers of girls to keep her company and save her. Mine of one to threaten and scold. I can’t trust my memories of that night. They’re all tinged with red.
When I found Liney’s health improved during supper as we made idle chatter about the weather instead of the rotten fish I burned in a pyre outside and in the waning hours as she read quietly in bed, she didn’t mention the girl once. If she wasn’t real, whose cries did I hear on the other side of the door while Liney slept on tea dosed with cough syrup?
My scavenging on the shores has found nothing. No tracks. No signs of life.
Douglas hasn’t shown himself. Of course he’s not here when hecould actually be useful to tell me if this girl is real or not. The last thing he expressed was scorn at my plan to kill a girl I can’t find. Who may not be real.
Was my deception successful? Or was I deceived? The narrative I’ve been spinning into a silken reality fits.Isaved Liney. I wouldn’t have felt the cold in myself thanks to the light’s infernal heat. My arms still ache, either from dragging her across the island or from drowning dozens of men. Is tending to her alone a memory or a figment?
Did Mr. Pratterman create an illusion for me to kill so when the first real person comes into my sight and I don’t fulfill my end of our new bargain, he’ll have me? That’s how this works, isn’t it? He made me too comfortable with our arrangement. Promised something straightforward. If he claims my soul, what will become of Liney?
I allow her to eat at the table today. She’s thankful for this extension of freedom and hungry for the promise of more.
“Have you seen anything odd lately, out the window?” I ask between mouthfuls of porridge. I relax, curious but not overly invested.
Liney cocks her head. “The one that’s boarded up?”
“The kitchen,” I lie. I set down my spoon and reach for my cup of half-drunk tea. “I wondered if a certain visitor had made their appearance again.”
Liney’s cheeks hollow as she chews on the insides, thinking. “Mr… What was his last name? Croxton?”
She assumed I meant a man. Does she know what I’m trying to discover? Or have I become so paranoid that I see even my sweet sister as conniving? I finish my tea, but the taste is lost to me. Rotting flesh lingers in my nose. Porridge is the only food I can stomach now.
“That’s right,” I agree, smiling. “I worry he may return now that the weather has cleared.”
Liney nods, then her attention returns to her food.
I mustn’t search my sister for false trespasses. Liney hasn’t earnedthat. I’ve thought so ill of her when I’m the one to blame. She wanted to save lives and nearly drowned for it.
She deserves a reward. I can keep a few promises I thought impossible.
“We’ll need to make a supply run soon. There was damage to the shingling, and I don’t see an easy winter with such an early first storm. I thought I could train you.”
Liney drops her spoon into her bowl with a splat. “Train me. For the mainland?”
Thatcaught her attention. I nod, drawing out her anticipation.
“But it’s not safe for me.” Her gaze returns to her food.
She’s extra careful now. Good. It’s as though we were once again ourselves to each other, nothing dark or bloody at the edges.
“I didn’t trust you to take it seriously before. But I believe you’ve shown me now how much you care about our safety. I’ll show you how to dress and act so as not to arouse suspicion. Perhaps a haircut, even.”
If she covers the supplies, I can stay on the island and never see another living soul. Mr. Pratterman will have no cause to call on me. Our contract will be in limbo. Never fulfilled nor broken. I could live with that.
