“Are you excited?” Gregor asks. “After you ink the vessel and I finally free Silas’s family, we’ll be inducted. Sorza seems keen as well; she’s been trying to petition the Worldkeepers to let all the help she’s given me count as her induction test.” He leans against the wall between the windows of Arina’s room. We’ve strung up curtains and quilts from the academy that now serve as tapestries to warm up her space.
I fight a smirk and a remark about how much he’s warmed up to her over the weeks they’ve worked together. Sorza was right about him having to get used to her. Even better, she succeeded in outright winning him over.
“I am excited, in a way,” I admit. In a satchel at my side are the supplies I’ll need to ink the vessel. We’re waiting for Vaduin to arrive to escort us to the legendary home of the Worldkeepers, where, according to him, the act must be done.
“In a way?” he repeats.
“It’s complicated.”
“I thought you believed in the Worldkeepers?”
“I do.” I sigh softly, trying to parse out my knotted thoughts that I’ve barely begun to pull apart for myself. “But having faith in an organization is different from wanting to be a part of it.”
He pushes away from the window, taking a step forward. Voice lowering and eyes glancing to the door—no doubt looking to see if any of the Worldkeepers are there—he whispers, “I thought we were joining them together?”
“I’m going to join them, Gregor,” I reassure him with a slight smile. “If for no other reason than to protect my memories from the remaking of the world.”
“That’s not a good enough reason to pledge yourself to an order. They deserve people who are committed—enthusiastic.”
People like you,I don’t say. “I agree with you, I do. And it’s not that I’m not committed…”
“What is it, then?”
“All my life, I’ve found myself relying on others to give me my place in this world: Mother, the Starcrossed Club, my role to play as a Major.”
“Did you not love being with us?” he interjects, tone wounded.
“I did,” I’m swift to reassure him. “I did. But looking ahead, thinking about what’s next, I’m not sure if I want to run to yet another organization to find my place and my purpose. I’m just beginning to see what I want for myself on my own; I don’t want to lose sight of it.”
My attention drifts back to Arina. I want to build something with her and with Kaelis. I want us to be in control of our destinies, surrounded by those we love, powerful and safe.
“Yeah, well…I don’t have a sister anymore to give me a purpose,” he mumbles, looking away.
“Gregor—”
“Don’t ‘Gregor’ me.” He rolls his eyes. “It’s true.” He shrugs like it doesn’t haunt him daily. “You have Arina, and—” He makes a gagging noise before forcing himself to say, “Kaelis. Twino and Ren have each other. I’ve got no one.”
“You still have us.” I reach out and grab his hand. He doesn’t pull away, but he doesn’t tighten his grip, either.
“Yeah, but we’re not the family we once were.” He continues as I’m trying to object, “It’s fine, Clara. We all grew, changed, moved on to the next stage of our lives. You want a place to belong, and I want the same. And lucky for me, that place is going to allow me to remember what happened so I don’t forget you once your wish is made. It’s going to keep me at least as a part of your world.”
“You always would be, no matter what,” I reassure him.
“Likewise.” He smiles, and I return the expression before shifting my attention back to Arina.
The conversation hits a chord that resonates dully within me.Forget…Will Arina forget me once the World is cast? No, whatever newWorld I’d make we would still be sisters within. I wouldn’t craft it any other way. Yet how much of us remains, and in what way?
There’s the matter of destiny having its own design. Of the not-quite-sentience of fate interpreting the wish.
And what of Twino and Ren?
Or Kaelis…My heart stops a beat.Kaelis.
Will he remember me, or merely some idea of me?The closer I get to inking the vessel and being inducted into the Worldkeepers, the more pressing these questions become. Once the vessel is made and I’m inducted, the only thing that stands in the way of summoning the World is getting Arina’s card.
The door to the main room opening jolts us from our discussion. I stand, and Gregor pushes off the wall. Vaduin and three other Worldkeepers are there. Vacelle peels off, coming to stand on the other side of Arina’s bed. She’ll stay with my sister.
“Shall we?” Vaduin looks between Gregor and me.
