“I’ll hold you to it.” I grin, and he returns the expression. Effortless, beautiful deflection. Even here, even after what we just shared. Even wanting to lose ourselves in each other. We still come up against the walls we’ve built to keep other people out. Never have I felt them more.
We’re both too afraid to call this what it is. But denying it is becoming more glaring by the day.
“Stay tonight.” He grabs my wrist.
“I’ll be gone before the morning,” I warn him.
“I expect nothing less.”
I go to the bathroom and then slip back between the sheets. His breathing is already slowing, eyelids as heavy as the arm he wraps around my waist. Closing my eyes, I decide to pretend for just a little bit longer. Pretend that we are a normal couple. Pretend that he knows all about me and I know all about him and the world is simple. Pretend that I’m not still lying to him.
When dawn comes, it all begins again. But for now I dream of a home that can’t be taken from me. Of people I won’t lose. And…of letting myself trust enough to fall in love.
Chapter 42
I hear whispers of what’s happening in the city. They come from the student body, and from the Worldkeepers by way of Gregor. Sacrificing that professor earned a little bit of trust with the general populace. But they’re becoming antsy again. Arresting an “accomplice” goes only so far. They want the real deal—they want blood.Myblood.
But I remain hidden and, so far as I’m able to tell, safe. For now.
The same can’t be said for my sister. The Worldkeepers tend to her. I’ve begun to learn their faces and names in an effort to turn familiarity into trust. I’m still unsure how much of my wanting to join them is realizing how convenient it would be to be aligned with them. Ferier—their healer—is a decent man. But she has yet to make any progress under his care.
And so I return to the theory I’ve been hanging my hope on since it first occurred to me: Thal.
Just when I’m on the verge of giving up and finding Thal myself, they appear next to Sorza one afternoon following class. They look quite confused as to why Sorza brought them here. But they haveenough faith in Sorza that they follow her into my classroom, not knowing that they’re a beacon of hope.
“All right,” Sorza says as she closes the door behind her, turning to me. “I held up my end of the bargain.”
“Bargain?” Thal is understandably confused.
“Thal…” I say softly, emotion briefly getting the better of me. Then I gather myself, round my desk, and quickly cross the classroom. “It’s good to see you again.”
“Professor?” Their brows furrow deeper as I approach. “What’s going on? Why am I here?” Skepticism is written on their face and dulls their hazel eyes.
Sorza merely leans against the door, arms folded and watching us with a smirk.
“Thal…It’s me, Clara.” I come to a halt a short distance away. Thal’s attention returns to me, their earrings clinking. One of those stacks of beaded and gilded ribbons is longer than the other. It accentuates the sharp edge of their jaw and the carved hollow of their cheeks while highlighting the honeyed gold of their hair.
They narrow their eyes. “I don’t understand what jest you’re playing at.”
“It’s me, Clara, the Wheel of Fortune. And I need you—as the Sun.”
“You’ve taken this jest too far,” Thal says to Sorza, seething.
Sorza raises her hand in mock surrender, even though Thal hasn’t made any motion toward her. “I’m just the messenger.”
Thal turns their confusion back to me. “Clara—the Wheel—Clara Graysword is the most hunted person in Oricalis. Some of the most powerful people underneath the crown are searching for her, and she’s managed to elude them. This whole academy was turned upside down. Yet you would have me believe you’re her?”
“Where better to hide than under my enemies’ noses?” I shrug.
“I don’t believe—”
“Poppies,” I interject.Thatstills them. “You need poppies to ink your card, and it can remove pain from someone.”
Thal slowly turns back to Sorza. “You could’ve told her that.”
“But I didn’t,” Sorza says.
“I don’t see why I—”
