“Ready?” she asks.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
She loops her fingers through mine, leading the way down the beach to the little cove where Sal liked to fish.
His letter is in my back pocket. I’ve smoothed it out and read it so many times that it’s already looking worn. There’s so much to say, so many things pressing against my lips. Decisions have been tumbling around in my mind for days now. But first, Sal deserves a proper send-off.
We find a quiet spot out of the wind and wade into the clear water. Little silver fish dart around our toes. Kiara smiles, the corners of her mouth wobbly. I hold on to her hand again, squeezing.
“I’m here with you.”
“I know.” She kicks her foot in the water, causing the surface to ripple. “I think he’d like this.”
“He definitely would.”
“Do you want to say something?”
“You go first.”
She takes a handful of ashes, tossing them into the darker water ahead. “I miss you, Daddy,” she says in Spanish, her voice quiet but strong. “I love you. I hope you’re with Mom now, and happy.”
When she tilts the urn in my direction, I take a breath.
For months, I’ve avoided saying goodbye. First because I didn’t think I deserved it, and then because I didn’t want to face the reality that he was gone without our relationship truly being fixed. I didn’t want to take over his restaurant when it held so many memories, all of them leading to one painful, stupid decision that I’ve wished for years I could take back.
But then I read his letter.
I pull it out now, tracing my finger over the looped “J” in my name on the envelope. I angle it so Kiara can read it too, for the first time.
Jack—
Asking you to share ownership of the Sailfish with me wasn’t meant to be a punishment. I wanted to do it with you. In my excitement for your passion for food, and the love we create when we cook, I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry that I made you feel as though I’d only love you if you stayed. I’m sorry that I allowed the distance between us to widen.
But I have been proud of you, day in and day out. I’ve watched your career from afar and seen all that you have accomplished.
You are a son to me. You are family.
That will be true no matter what you choose to do with the Sailfish. Whatever is in your heart is the right path.
Love always,
S—
When she’s finished, I fold it back into that careful square. I take a handful of Sal’s ashes, tossing them gently into the water.
The first time I read that letter, I was on the floor of his kitchen, my back to the walk-in door, arms curled around my bent knees. I finally let the grief that I’d been shoving down relentlessly, month after month, break free. I’d always felt unwanted. I’d always yearned to be someone’s son. Sal offered me that, and even more, he offered me a future. Without him, I might not have found my way to food. I might not have found the one thing that lights a fire in me, that challenges me and guides me like no other.
“One time,” I say, so quiet Kiara needs to lean in to hear, “I was learning how to make that one fish dish he always kept on the menu, remember? The grouper?”
“With the burst tomatoes and coconut milk sauce?”
“That one. It wasn’t that difficult. But I couldn’t get it.” I remember the frustration of that moment like it happened yesterday. In later kitchens, with tough assignments, I’d think about this miserable evening and find a way to push through. “I ruined a dozen plates, and I was pissed with myself, because Dad had just started to let me work the line.”
If Kiara’s surprised to hear me finally refer to Sal that way, she doesn’t show it. “I remember the night you first started. You came home with a burn all along your arm. Grinning like a madman.”
“This was a little later, maybe a few weeks. I was keeping up, mostly, except for this. And he pulled me aside—” I stop, clearing my throat to ward against the sudden sting in my eyes and nose. “I thought he was going to chew me out for wasting product and slowing down the service. I think he could tell how panicked I was, how I was thinking I’d screwed myself out of a job. And a placement.”
“And you liked living with us by then.”
