He’s looking down at the bedspread now with a frown and for a second I wonder whether I’ve spooked him with that final comment. Was it verging on too emotional?
‘And hopefully you find me just about tolerable too?’ I joke, hearing the nervous quaver in my voice.
‘More than tolerable,’ he says, looking up now and giving me one of his heart-stopping grins. ‘And I feel privileged to be the person you trust enough to help you get past your hang-ups.’
I smile back, though a strange, heavy weight seems to have lodged somewhere in my chest.
I push it away.
‘Well, I really couldn’t see any of the men I know agreeing to such a preposterous-sounding request. I probably would have given them heart attacks if I’d suggested it. Not that there are many to choose from. The two men I’ve dated since Malcolm were both really gentle and unassuming. Beta, I suppose you’d call them. Unthreatening. Thinking about it now, I suppose I was attracted to them for that very reason. They made me feel safe, which was important to me after what happened. Neither of them were exactly proactive when it came to initiating sex.’
‘Lazy bastards,’ Sandro hisses with a disgusted wave of his hand.
I smile and shrug. ‘Maybe. My last boyfriend, Hugh, was the sort of person that would stay put until someone moved him and I was too insecure about sex to make anything happen myself.’
‘It sounds like you need to adjust the preferences on your dating profile.’
‘I don’t have a dating profile. I only ever meet men through work.’
‘Like this guy you’re so keen to impress –Adamis it?’ He says the name as if he’s offended by it.
‘Yes,’ I reply, a little bemused by that. He’s not even met him so his insinuation that he’s not worthy of my attention is a little misplaced.
‘What is it about him that gets you so hot?’ he asks. There’s an aggressive undertone to his voice now, as if he feels a need to compete. He’s such an alpha male.
‘He’s one of the brightest minds in our area of research. I’ve had some really enlightening conversations with him about my PhD topic. He really knows his subject. And he’s clearly going places. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he ends up with a Nobel Prize.’
‘A Nobel Prize, huh?’ Sandro raises a derisive eyebrow as if he doubts this very much.
‘Probably,’ I say, bristling a little on Adam’s behalf.
‘He sounds to me like the kind of guy that thinks way too much of himself. Especially if he’s happy to pass up the opportunity to be with a smart, attractive woman like you.’
‘He really doesn’t,’ I argue, although thinking now about the dates we’d gone on, he’d mostly talked about himself and asked very little about me. ‘He’s a busy, in-demand guy who everyone holds in high esteem and wants a piece of. Especially women. He has every right to be a bit full of himself. He’s worked hard to be top of his game, so he’s entitled to be picky about who he chooses to spend his time with. And how,’ I bluster, though I’m less sure of myself now.
‘And this is the guy you’re so desperate to get into bed?’ Sandro mutters with such distain I feel a shiver of indignation run the length of my spine. ‘He sounds like a total narcissist.’
I feel myself getting hot with irritation. ‘Actually, he’s exactly the kind of man I want to spend the rest of my life with – someone who’ll be able to look back on his time and know he’s made a difference to the world. Someone who’ll stimulate me intellectually.’
The door buzzer goes and he rolls off the bed to go and collect the pizza. ‘Well, before you propose marriage to him, can I recommend you check he can stimulate you in bed as well? I think you’re gonna find that’s just as important,’ he says as he exits the room.
‘That’s the plan,’ I call after him, with a confidence I’m not feeling any more. It’s funny, but it occurs to me now that ever since I’ve been here in Italy with Sandro, I’ve not given Adam a second thought. Until just now when he mentioned him.
I guess that’s the power of Sandro’s charisma coming to the fore.
Meeting him has really opened up my eyes to how sexual impulses can befuddle your brain and cause you to act in all sorts of uncharacteristic ways.
Hormones have a lot to answer for.
But I have to keep my head on straight. We’re only going to be together for another couple of days. The trouble is, after talking to Sandro about him, I’m beginning to wonder whether Adam really is the sort of man I should be chasing. Whether he’ll give me the kind of love and affection I’ll need from a long-term partner. Whether he’ll make me feel alive, like Sandro does when I’m with him.
I push this rogue thought from my mind. I’d be crazy to start imagining there could be anything more between me and Sandro. He’s made it clear he loves his free, non-committed lifestyle and I need someone steady in my life, not someone who’s going to forget I exist the moment I walk out of the door.
* * *
Sandro
For the first time in my life, I’m wishing that time would slow down instead of speed up. To my surprise I’m really enjoying having Juno here with me in Florence. Things come to life when she’s around and she has a way of brightening up the room whenever she’s in it, as if she emits some kind of positive force. It seems to be infecting me too because I find myself smiling all the time. And the sex is incredible. I’ve never been with anyone so openly and honestly responsive. There’s no pretence with her. No acting cool. No game-playing. She finds such joy in learning new things. It’s inspiring and refreshing.
