As soon as I respond, I toss the makeup and perfume I’d grabbed from the drugstore earlier this week into my bag and close it before I can think of something else to bring. Bag packed, I focus on rearranging the clothes shoved beneath my sheets into a more me-shaped lump. I tuck one of my old dolls up against the pillow, letting her pristine braid poke out from beneath the covers—a near perfect match to my own. If anyone looks closely, they’ll be able to see right through my decoy, but it could buy me a few extra hours.
While part of me hopes Mami won’t notice my absence at all, I know she’s not so checked out that I can disappear for two full days. She’ll be up at five tomorrow to get ready for her seven a.m. shift, and while we’re usually allowed to sleep in on Saturdays, sometimes she’ll come barging into my room anyway, insisting on braiding my hair even though I can do it myself or listing off chores for me to tackle whileshe’s gone. Because she knows I won’t have plans—she makes sure of that.
Once I’m happy enough with Decoy Dina, I sling my bag over my shoulder, wincing slightly at the unexpected weight, and pull the folded letter from my pocket. It took ten pieces of paper swiped from the printers in the computer lab before I finally settled on a message that didn’t make bile crawl up my throat. Simple and to the point. And, hopefully, enough to calm Mami if she finds it.
I’m out with friends. I’ll be back on Sunday by dinner.
I promise I’m safe.
I love you.
My gut tells me the letter, no matter how sincere or how much I assure her that I’m all right, won’t do anything to stop Mami from giving me hell once I’m home. Still, it’s worth a shot. If I don’t give her some kind of explanation, I could come home to find my face splashed across missing posters throughout the city. Though, that’s assuming the cops would care about the missing Soto girl.
I hold my breath as I perch on my windowsill, craning my neck for the sound of footsteps as I unlatch the window and push it open just enough for me to slide through. There’s still nothing but muffled rapid, overdramatic Spanish. I swallow hard, close my eyes, and brace myself for the fall.
“What’re you doing?”
It’s a miracle I don’t go toppling over the edge of the window. Hands pressed against my heart I whip around so quickly a nerve twinges in my neck. Mikey glances over hisshoulder to confirm that Mami didn’t hear him before quietly shutting the door behind him. Thankfully, he remembered to keep his voice down.
“Dina, what the hell?” he asks, whispering. “Where are you going?”
I bite my lip, unsure if it’s worth telling him the truth. I hadn’t planned to tell him anything because I didn’t want him to bear the burden of lying on my behalf. No doubt Mami would go straight to him once she realized I was missing. With everything else going on with Mikey, the last thing he needs is to take the fall for me. Keeping him in the dark is for the best.
“I’m going out with friends,” I finally settle on.
“What friends?” he asks with a raised brow.
Rude, but fair.
“We’re allowed to have friends,” I say, as if that justifies me doing something I know is wrong—that I know’ll hurt Mami. But I can’t help feeling compelled to say it anyway. To remind Mikey of what Papi told me—that we deserve good things too.
“Okay,” Mikey says, still sounding unconvinced. “Who is this friend?”
“Kai Thompson.” I turn back around to try and go to jump off the ledge before he can question me more. But he manages to catch me by the arm before I can jump.
“Kai Thompson? Seriously? And since when do you need a duffle bag to ‘hang out’?”
His words aren’t harsh, and his grip is only as tight as it needs to be. A lump forms in my throat. Something about him reminds me of Papi. Solid, but soft. Mikey was always the most like Papi personality wise. Unlike me and Joel, he never had any trouble making friends and keeping them—lighting up rooms with his laugh. At least before Mami taught us to think of theworld as something we should fear. Before life forced him to be hard. While I was born with the innate ability to blend in, Mikey was born to stand out. He still does, even now. But what once would’ve brought him popularity just puts a target on his back now. I think that’s why he ends up in so many fights—people just can’t seem to leave him alone.
When I turn to look at him now, all my resolve breaks down.
“We’re going to his parents’ cabin for the weekend. They have a place up in the woods near the river—but it’s not a party. Just a few friends hanging out.” I put as much heart as I can into my words, hoping he can see in my eyes just how desperately I need this. A break from our lives, even if it’s just for a couple of days.
The guilt in my heart takes a new shape as I lock eyes with my baby brother. I can tell by the quirk of his lips and the furrow in his brow that he’s going through the same complicated mix of emotions as I am. I’ve never been as close to him as I was to Joel, maybe because he felt so much younger than we were when we were so obsessed with the idea of getting older. Becoming adults with our own lives. And I realize now how this must look—me with one foot out the window. Running away from our house—fromhim. Leaving him alone with Mami in our dark, lonely house.
Part of me wonders if I should invite him. Show him that it’s safe to go outside and live our lives like the teens we’re meant to be. But something selfish holds me back, something scared, too. It’s dangerous enough for me to go out on my own—who knows what would happen if two Sotos went missing.
Mikey eyes me skeptically as he lets go of me to cross his arms. “Who else is going?”
“Just his sister and some of her friends.”
I know better than to mention Carla, but Mikey’s able to put together the pieces on his own. He’s been at Millcreek High for only two months, but everyone knows Kiki and Carla are a package deal.
“Carla?” he asks, already shaking his head before I can reply.
“May—”
“You can’t go.”
