She didn’t like the sound of that, that it wouldn’t be necessary to see him tomorrow. “I can push through it. Just let me sleep tonight and?—”
“I’ve never had to help someone train their magicbeforea trial. This part comes after they return. Your limits are different in a mortal body. We shouldn’t risk it. Hike with Callum tomorrow; we’ll see how you feel after.” He sipped from his water skin, tossing her one of her own. “Maybe we can get you something stronger than water? Help you get a solid night’s rest.”
She drank, still watching him, observing his every move, the curve of his boulderish shoulders as he stared at the ground. “I’ve never been a fan of the strong stuff. I’ve seen the others here drink plenty. Not you, though, why is that?”
“I have also never been a fan.”
“How come?”
“Control is essential to me, anything that can disrupt that would cause problems.”
“Is that what happened before? With Breyer? You lost control?”
Theo didn’t look up. “Yes.”
“Has it... happened before Breyer?”
Theo’s jaw worked as he considered. “Once.”
She didn’t want to push this. “Callum said you had a family... What were they like?”
Theo looked up at that. There was no animosity there; his face looked broken somehow. “Memorable. Even after all this time.”
Memorable. A single word, and it cut so deep to hear it.
“You must miss them very much.” It was a stupid thing to say. His face didn’t show anything of the sort.
“Do you miss yours?” he asked, catching her completely off guard. He hadn’t brought up her losses in a while.
“I miss what they could have been the most. It’s like you had all these plans for tomorrow, for another day, and then your chance to make them a reality... just goes away.”
He didn’t speak, but his eyes were hanging on her every word.
“Adriel would have been such an incredible ruler... Krysta too. I think she was more excited to be a mother, though. She would have been good at that.”
“What about you? Do you wish for children? The dagger... the ritual... it?—”
“I know, Fee told me.”
“Does that disappoint you?”
“No. I don’t think I have a parental bone in my body.”
“You comforted Aaron when he was scared, you made him feel hopeful, you made him feel safe. I’m pretty sure that’s the definition of a mother.”
She smiled. “I think there are other ways to be a mother, outside of bearing children. I like taking care of others. For me, I think that is enough.”
Theo gave some sort of hum, considering. “It is more than enough, but...”
“But what?” Helaina turned toward him.
“Who takes care of you?”
She wanted so badly to echo the question back at him.
Who takes care of you?
She didn’t know why, but she felt the need to place her hand atop his. So she did. He sat there, eyeing the physical connection she created. The skin of his knuckles was tough, and she couldn’t help smoothing her fingertips over the bony prominences.
