“You're dying.” She covered her lips. “Last night I saw life in your eyes for the first time in so long. We were wrong. This isn't how you fight the Phaedra. There's only death here. Either you become your father, or you die resisting. And I know you, sweet boy. You'll never become Brandon. You'll just be dead. You can't fight the Phaedra if you're gone.”
Through every impossible trial, Mom never wavered in her faith. If she was giving up on him, then there was no hope. “I'm handing Kira over to Ashantae, and I'm coming home to finish my job. That's final.”
“You mean you'll abandon her again.”
Understanding dropped into his gut like a physical weight. His body coiled tighter and tighter. “Brock told you.” He clenched his jaw until it ached. “You think I'll run off to the territories with her and be happy?” He laughed bitterly. “I'm sorry to ruin your fantasy. I know you love her. But there's no dream life waiting out there for me. I don't want anything with her, and I have nothing to give her. I'm where I'm supposed to be.”
The steady stare ate into his chest. “Don't speak to me as ifI'mthe one being foolish.”
His nostrils flared.
“You have no idea how it feels to tell you to leave. You're my boy. I'd rather cut off my own limbs than say goodbye to you. But you need to go. Listen when a mother speaks the last truth she wants to utter.”
His shoulders fell. “Mom.”
“I won't hold you back, even if it kills me. I refuse to believe you're more effective fighting in the Phaedra's chains. I fell for that lie before, and for that I'll forever be sorry.”
Mom threw away a lifetime of planning, tossing out everything they worked for. And yet she treated him as if he were being stubborn or ridiculous. She was the one who changed course. “What have you and Kira been talking about to make you think like this?”
“It's you and Kira.” Mom's smile looked anything but soft. “It's the way you fight for her. The way she fights the hurt in you. It's the life flickering in your eyes when they've looked dead for too long. Yes, it's Kira. Kira and her defiance in thesky. But it's also seeing that I underestimated my son despite that I believed in him so deeply. You're much more than the Phaedra will ever allow you to be here.”
The idealism Kira and his mom shared combined into a dream he wished could become real. “Walk me through this. We survive. We're on the run. What then? What's this unchained life you see for me?”
“I think it's more than we can imagine.”
The depth of those words knocked around in his chest, but it wasn't enough to distract him. “But say we imagine it a little. I excite the United by bringing what I know to them. Manage to stay alive for a while. Then I become one more rebel soldier fighting against the tide of the ocean.”
“Or you're the crack that breaks the dam. Seeing the son of the High General turn away awakens the hope in those believing they're destined to die here.”
“One dam breaking won't destroy this regime. A High General undermining everything the Phaedra does—that's the most powerful thing I can do.” His voice lowered now, and he tried to sound gentle. “You resigned yourself to watching me live this life, and it hurts too much now that you can imagine something else. I understand. Be happy watching Kira go free. Let that fill you up.”
Mom closed her eyes and lowered her head. “Maybe I do want to see you happy so badly I'd sacrifice everything we worked for. But I believe. I feel it in here.” She covered her chest with her hand. “One day, when the time is right, I hope you'll feel it too. Don't assume something is hopeless when you haven't fought for it yet.”
He smiled. If only. “Trust me, if I could leave, I would. I can't let the Phaedra keep crushing people, though. I've spent my life killing for him, ripping away everything people have. Watching hope and life leave their eyes. I can't walk away. I won't stop until I ruin him.”
She held his stare. “I know you will.” Standing to meet him, she spoke softly. “It won't be a predictable path. Keep your heart and mind open.”
“Okay.” Zayne couldn't crush her hope, not when she sacrificed so much for him. “You're my strength. Never forget that.”
She pulled him into a hug. “You're my hope.”
“I'd be father if not for you.”
“Never. You underestimate yourself.” She wiped her face and pushed her hair back. “I'll talk to the Elder again.”
“Let me send the message for you. I've never seen the Phaedra like this. Stay home.”
“Alright. Be careful.”
“I will be.” Zayne started walking to meet Kira, but the floorboards creaked behind him.
“Zayne. Wait.”
He looked over his shoulder at his mom, catching serious eyes.
She spoke like Father when he issued orders. “Don't marry her.”
Cold shock washed over him.
