Zayne stepped beneath an arched doorway and looked up at the staircase climbing stories above him. His entire apartment would fit in the sitting room. His breathing turned shallow when he walked into the enormous kitchen. Mellie threw her hands over her mouth and cried out with glee.
“It's even better than in the pictures.” Giggling, she ran to the windows. “Oh, Zayne, look at that view. Can you imagine waking up every morning to this?”
No. Not at all.
He'd have so many stairs to climb down when he awoke in the middle of the night. So many rooms to find his way through in order to sneak out the back door for a jog. Plenty of windows for phantom bullets to shatter.
Checking for surveillance might solve the problem because he might never have time to sleep again.
“It's almost more than I can imagine,” he said.
“Really? This is my favorite so far. It really is.”
Making a life with someone should be full of excitement. But he kept thinking of Kira staring out at the lake at his parents' house, silently searching for hope and escape. Standing in this kitchen and talking about living here…
It was absurd.
His mother's voice haunted him.
“Don't marry her… You don't love her.”
He never thought he loved Mellie.
Dread built with each step they took and each room they entered, each moment they spent on this endless tour. Why did anyone need such a large house? Zayne liked where he lived. Perhaps he'd take one room for himself and pretend the rest didn't exist.
Mellie lifted her face into the sunlight of the large windows of a bedroom. “This would be a perfect nursery.”
Heat curled around the base of Zayne's head. “No.” The word popped out of his mouth without thought.
“No?” Her shoulders fell, and she faced him. “You don't like it?”
A life played out before Zayne where Mellie rocked a baby and dreamed of the future, one destined to end in suffering. What nursery suited a baby born to slaughter for the Phaedra? Staring into her eyes, he suddenly felt like he didn't recognize her, like he was stuck in a stranger's body, with a stranger's fiancée. The bullets in Bluehaven echoed distantly in his mind, and he caught a reflection of his father in the window staring back at him.
A baby with Mellie…
“Zayne?” Fear bunched her expression.
“It's not the safest room in the house.” He cleared his throat. “Windows look nice, but security matters most.”
“Oh, oh, right. You're right. It'll be a Riven baby. We need to be extra cautious.”
“Yes.” The room felt incredibly hot. Zayne couldn't have a baby with Mellie. He didn't even want one. He didn't want her or this house. Didn't want this life. “There's no rush with kids.”
“Of course not. I don't want to be pregnant at our wedding. It'll be so nice when we can start trying, though.”
“Is there a conversation I missed?” He stared hard at her. “When did we decide we're trying right away?”
“We said we wanted kids.”
Actually, Zayne never said that. She talked about children, and he didn't disagree. “Not immediately.”
“I didn't realize you wanted to wait.” Disappointment twisted her mouth into a frown. “You don't feel ready? When—”
“I don't know, Mel. Let me get my division put back together again, and then we can discuss when to start our family. I'm keeping my implant.”
The color drained from her face. Her lips twitched into a smile before falling into a frown. “Sorry. Of course. We haven't even had the memorial service yet. I don't know what I'm thinking. Looking at houses and dreaming of nurseries…” Tears misted her eyes, and she turned away from him toward the window. “I need to be more considerate.”
His eyes closed, and he breathed out slowly. He didn't mean to make her cry. “I know I've been tense.” If she understood the impossible pressure he faced, but she never would. She would never know him. He didn't trust her. “I don't mean to take that out on you.”
