“I don’t want this job. I never have. What’s the point if it couldn’t save Mom?”
He rose up on numb legs and turned partway toward his father, staring at the man’s perfectly shined boots and then glancing up at his pressed uniform until he met his eyes.
“I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hate myself,” Zayne said. “But I almost hate you and the Phaedra more.”
Horror gripped his father's face. “All these mistakes you’ve made, I made them first. When you’re standing where I am, looking at your own son, you’ll understand. You can't afford to care so deeply.”
“I can’t afford not to.”
It was time to leave. But the lifetime between him and Mom caught hold of him. Not only the days they'd already spent, but the years she should have. When he left, he’d never see her again. They’d cremate her. And he'd spend the rest of his life without her. How could he leave her? He couldn’t. Zayne stared at her, terrified like a child waking up alone in the dark, smothered by the unknown.
He could never leave Mom.
But he had to eventually.
Last night, they both told one another they loved each other, and Mom asked him to keep Kira alive. She kissed his forehead like she had so many times before and expected to do so many times again. Instead of touching her cold body, holding her, and bidding her farewell, he clung to the last time he looked into Mom's eyes.
That was how he'd remember her.
Even though he wasn’t ready, he turned his back on the mom who had loved him every second of his life. Physical pain shot through his limbs as he stepped through the doorway.
She’d promised to stay away from the church, so why did she go at the most dangerous time possible? Did she lose her mind from the grief of seeing Kira forced back to prison? Was she making a play to save her?
If only Mom had reached out to him.
“Don't worry… I'll stay safe and ineffectual in your father's prison…”
Why didn't she let Zayne help? Was it because she knew he'd force her to stay safely at home?
Damn him.
He needed to end this bloodshed before Becka sacrificed more churches. What options did he have?
Kill Kira or her mother. Never.
Break Kira out. He kept trying and failing.
Do nothing and watch everyone die. Unbearable.
Mom always knew what to do when he didn't. How was he supposed to live in this world without her?
CHAPTER 48
Zayne
The Capital
Kallum, Ciondo
833 P.C. [Post-Collapse]
The shock and grief fused into something else entirely.
A wild fury. A dangerous one.
Zayne stared at the Phaedra’s door in the quiet of his tower.
The guards on either side wouldn’t hesitate to kill anyone, even Zayne. Even his father. They stood watch as they always did. In a strange way, Zayne was thankful for them. Thankful they forced him to think and to cage the hissing animal inside himself. Because this beast wanted the Phaedra’s blood. And that was something that would require thought: how it would affect the empire, who would take his place, whether Kira would survive. Many things to consider. Enough that Zayne knew he wouldn’t kill the Phaedra tonight.
