The judgment still pounded as a throbbing headache in her temples even though no one was watching. Her pride told her to destroy him while her heart screamed to flee.
What she wanted lay somewhere between the two, because even if it was okay for Miya to save herself, to leave her family and kingdom, she didn't want to. And she didn't want this captain, who looked down on her and Lance, to get away with discarding his life so easily.
Miya could do this. She could stay and continue working on the captain. She told herself this was no different than all the other times, and she was right. Today was the same.
She was slipping away from her body. Iciness spread from her soul and numbed everything until she didn’t hurt anymore. Her core, the little piece of her that was even more her than her mind and body, had fled. A hollow corpse remained under his control.
Miya's body begged for sleep, but she plastered her hands to his chest instead. “I'll do whatever you want.”
The captain looked drunk on his power and her capitulation.
Drink up, bitch. Guzzle every last drop.
Miya was going to tear him to shreds because while she recognized his threat, he saw her as nothing more than a pretty tool.
“I'm sorry I panicked and failed you. I'll be better next time.”
Those violent hands slid over the back of her head, and his voice softened. “I know you will.” Eyes falling to her throat, he sighed. “We'll need to wait for that lovely diamond. You'll heal, and this will be a bad memory.”
Miya nodded. Once again unable to release the screams inside of her even though his hand left her throat. “I just got scared.”
“Now you know to trust me.”
His arms wrapped around her like chains minutes ago but now held her tenderly. Nausea rocked her stomach.
“There, there,” he whispered.
Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him.
Her hurt arm ached, so she only wrapped the other around him. Years of pain she’d been too afraid to feel consumed her. Too much pain for tears, words, anything to hold and carry away. Saying yes, saying nothing at all, letting thembelieve, even letting herself believe, she was okay with it all. That was the best way to keep from feeling this.
Even after choosing this work, it had always been dancing around power plays and trying to survive. Never a real choice.
She never would have chosen this life.
When the time came, she’d put him in his rightful place and watch him beg for mercy.
No matter what she did, whether she ran or sought revenge, whether she took back her power or withered away alone in hiding, nothing could ever change what the captain and every man before her had done. It couldn’t make it hurt less. Couldn’t make her a better or worse person. This was on them and anyone who enabled them.
It wasn't Miya’s responsibility to evolve into a woman so powerful she could overshadow any evil committed against her.
Whether Miya broke or conquered, she was worth the same either way. And the captain…
He was nothing.
Fucking nothing.
Miya would beat him down until he knew that.
She was not running. Not now.
Miya fell against the towering steel gates of the Krowe estate. After Aiden showed up an hour late, the captain was so angry that he bashed him in the face with his gun. He handed her money and told her to return to Krowe's after that, satisfied that Miya saw him reduce her handler to a sniveling heap of sobs.
Three days had passed since she fled down this drive. After the attack the day before, she paid for a ride to get as close to the estate as the driver would take her and struggled not to drift off while searching for another. Krowe lived far enough in the country that the impatient city drivers balked at traveling so far.
Miya was exhausted. Too afraid to sleep even if she wasn't worried about waiting to see a doctor. She would have rested on the stone drive, but she knew she wouldn’t get back up once she lay down.
A stout form scuttled down the snow-dusted drive in the darkness. “We looked everywhere for you,” the headmistress said.
