I tilt my head up, staring emptily at the canopy of my bed. “Like what?”
“Like…the next summer equinox celebration! It will be Delphie’s turn to compete in the Luminae Games, following in her big brothers’ footsteps. Can you imagine that? I’ll be cheering so loud, you’ll have to hold on to your ears.”
An image drifts through my mind’s eye. Dayton and Rosalina in the stands, hooting and hollering like mad people. Nori reaching out to grab my hand as she watches Delphia fight across the sands, the way I once watched Dayton when he competed as a gladiator.
A fantasy. As good as a fairy tale.
Dayton trails kisses along my collarbone. “And…what about the scriptorium restoration project? Nori mentioned it to me. Everyone working together to rebuild the greatest library the Vale has ever known!”
Another image. Me, sitting at a beautiful table carved of alder wood, stacks of books before me. Ezryn bringing samples of plants from the Spring Realm for me to catalog. Keldarion reciting all the stories told at the Festival of Tales so we can commit them to paper, never to be forgotten.
A future that will never come to pass. Not as the world is now.
“And…there will be weddings.” Dayton kisses my chin, then up to the point of my jaw.
“What weddings?” I murmur.
“Well, ours, of course. And Rosie’s. Pros of doing them all separately—you know, yours and Rosie’s, mine and Rosie’s, and yours and mine—is we get three parties and probably three times the number of presents. But we could also have one big wedding. I think the night of celebration would be worth it.” Dayton pops up on his hands to stare down at me with the most ridiculous grin.
It’s so hopeful, so absurdly optimistic, I can’t help but smile myself, just a little. “Are you serious?”
“Come on. I’m not letting Kel get all the glory of being Rosie’s one and only husband. And Ezryn can plan his own wedding. You know how Spring celebrations are. So stuffy.”
It’s such a lovely idea. The promise of a lifetime together, all of us.
But there’s no path into that future for me.
My chest squeezes, and my heart starts beating too fast. I pull away from Dayton. He stares at me quizzically. He doesn’t understand, but how could he? Despite the Green Flame, he’s always known who he is. It never changed him, not really. Not like how it changed me.
My words come out short and clipped as I rush to get them out. If I don’t speak now, I’m sure these thoughts will be stolen from me forever. “I’m so afraid, Day. So afraid I’ve lost who I am. I’m wandering through the flame and can’t find my way out.”
Dayton cups my face, his brow furrowed. “You’re my Farron. Wise and clever and kind. You’re not lost, ’cause I’ve always got you right here.” He grabs my hand and places it over his heart. “Stay with me, and I’ll lead you out. I’ll remind you who you are.”
I entangle myself with him, kissing and grabbing at his clothes, his hair, his skin, as if trying to become part of him. If only I could live in his heart. There, I’m wise and clever and kind. Not the clawing, fearful wraith of a man I truly am.
With each kiss, that wretched version of me feels further away. I settle, like sand shifting into place. I was never perfectly at home in Summer, nor was Dayton at home in Autumn. And Castletree always seemed to belong more to our ghosts—Dayton’s brother and my mother.
But I feel at home now, wherever he is.
I ease off his shirt, desperate for the warmth of his skin. It radiates with sunlight, so strong maybe it can burn the evil parts of me away.
He follows suit, tugging off my tunic. I don’t want anything between us, be it shadows or clothing. I tug off his pants.
His substantial manhood springs free, hard as steel. With quick, ravenous movements, I run my hand along the silken skin before clutching the base. A shiver of relief pours over me. This cock has always made me feel powerful when I need to be powerful, vulnerable when I need to be vulnerable.
Dayton throws his head back, letting out a low moan, then blinks his eyes open and stares at me. He smiles.
“I wish I could be the person you see,” I whisper.
“Look through my eyes, Fare,” he says reverently.
If only I could. Become such a part of him that our hearts would beat as one, that I could bear his pains, even our thoughts intertwined.
We kiss again, then pull away, staring. I can see it in his gaze, the same desire burning in me. We need each other now.
Dayton trails a hand along my waistband before tugging off my trousers. Gently, he pushes on my shoulder until I’m lying on my back, then positions himself between my legs. He sucks two fingers into his mouth.
“I love you,” he murmurs, then presses his fingers into my entrance.
