He stares at the check, then back at me, using his free hand to rub at the back of his neck. “Have you considered what you could do with this kind of money?”
“Yes.” Budding Authors, Crafternoon, LEGO Builders, Homework Help. Every program can continue with this money.
“Martha, you’re a terrific librarian.”
“Librarian’s assistant.”
“That’s my point.” He frowns, as if my correction is upsetting him. “With this money, you could go to a university and earn your degree. You’d never find yourself in this position again. At Little Creek, yes, you work in the capacity of the children’s librarian even though no official title or position exists.”
“I don’t need an official title.”
He sets the check down and regards me. “Don’t you ever feel taken advantage of? You aren’t making near enough money for the work you do, you don’t have the job security you deserve, and you’re basically stuck because there aren’t many other libraries that would let you do the work you do without the diploma behind your name.” He leans forward. “Right now, you have an opportunity. You can use this money to get an education, or as a down payment on a house, or, I don’t know, invest it. It’s yours.”
I sit back in the chair, stunned. I never thought in a million years that Ryan would try to talk me out of making this donation. He’s right, though. I could do any of those things. Except this money was never supposed to be mine in the first place. It was always supposed to go to support the kids of Little Creek.
The check on his desk catches my eye. I lean forward and snatch it, along with a pen sitting beside his keyboard. Flipping the check over, I hold the pen poised. “Who should I make it out to?”
He lifts his gaze from the check to meet my eyes. “There’ssomething else you should know. The board of trustees is meeting again next week. I’ll get your reinstatement at Little Creek on the agenda, but...” He runs a frustrated hand down his face. “Look, I know I made it sound like a done deal. Raise the money, get your job back. I swear, I thought that’s how it would go down.”
That same foreboding as the last time I sat in an office with this man curdles my stomach.
He must see the look on my face because he reaches out with both hands as if he can block the thoughts swirling in my mind. “Now, don’t jump to any worrisome conclusions yet. It’s just some rumors I’ve heard floating around that I thought you should know about.”
I press a palm to my somersaulting belly. “What rumors?”
He winces, hating to be the bearer of bad news, even if it is just scuttlebutt at this juncture. “Just that some of the trustees might have other ideas on how to use any big donations that may come in.”
Like the one I’m about to sign over.
“I’ve heard talk of using incoming funds for maintenance repairs on other library buildings in the county so we’re not in the same position like we are in Little Creek. Or cushioning the cost of the bookmobile. Or purchasing new technology like hotspots and laptops.” He sets his palms flat on his desk. “But it’s all conjecture at this point. Just talk.”
I nod, trying to appear like I don’t feel like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet yet again. I try not to think of the kids of Little Creek and how not having their programs reinstated will affect them.
The bookmobile is doing a lot of good for the underserviced communities around us. The funds will be put to good use there. Same with building needs and technology.
For some reason, the memory of Julien at Signal Point talking about his grandmother teaching him to look for signs fromthe Almighty pops in my head. Is that what this is? A when-one-door-closes-another-opens moment? The librarian door is slamming in my face at the same time Julien is pushing wide open the pathway to publication and being an author.
If this is some divine sign, then why does it feel so wrong? I want to slam my fists against this shut door. Rail against it and demand that it be opened again. For the kids’ sake.
“Martha, I know it seems like a setback, but don’t lose hope. The door isn’t shut.”
My head snaps up. How’d Ryan know I’d been thinking of open and shut doors?
The check is still in front of me. One hundred thousand dollars, in my name, that was never meant for me. Maybe some other people would be tempted to keep it. To use it for any one of the things Ryan suggested. But I can’t. Even if I don’t get my job back and the kids are without their programs for the foreseeable future, the money was never mine.
I swallow past the lump in my throat, signing my name and then printing outpay to the order ofunder the signature. “Who should I make it out to?”
“You’re still going to sign it over? Even with knowing it might not save your job?”
If I talk, I’m going to cry, so I simply nod my head.
Ryan tells me, but he’s shaking his own head in disbelief as he does so. “I’m going to fight for you at the board of trustees meeting next week, okay? We need you on the team, Martha. You’re an invaluable asset, and I’m going to make sure they see that. Don’t lose hold of hope, all right?”
I nod, not at all convinced I’ll be able to keep my grip on that elusive belief. Sometimes holding on to hope seems as impossible as containing water in a strainer. But I’ll give it my best.
27
Some might have said Julien was overreacting or being too extreme in his views regarding relationships between employers/employees, but he’d had a front-row seat to how things could implode when boundaries were erased. He wanted to do everything in his power to safeguard both himself and Martha from any sort of hurtful speculation or unfounded accusations. He didn’t want rumors to start that she’d only had her manuscripts acquired because of a personal relationship with the owner’s son. She had raw talent and had worked hard creating a vivid world and complex characters that kids were going to love. He didn’t want any romantic connection with himself to taint her accomplishment.
