He could have been a pale husk on the plateau.
And Deckerenjoyed it.He’d reveled in it.
The thought repulsed him, more horrifying than the way he’d placed his life in Laurie’s hands like it was precious.
He’d confessed.
Had he meant to? If his gut was full and his mind was sound, would he have told the truth?
“I—” Laurie struggled, hands scrubbing over his face as he dragged in agonizing breaths, “Is this a trick?” A pang of hurt shot through Decker so strongly it almost brought him to his knees. “Did you lie? Was Elias trying to—”
“Elias murdered innocent people.” Decker was strangled, like Laurie’s hands were around his throat, squeezing until he was faint and breathless. “This place—it plays with your mind, Laurie, it turned Elias mad, don’t let it do the same to you.”
With each minor untruth, shallow breaths deepened and Laurie forced him back into the dim light as he straightened. He looked at him like he could peel away the layers of careful words Decker fed him. As if he looked hard enough, maybe he’d see something to justify his uncle’s sins.
Laurie would find nothing out of the ordinary now. Brown skin washed out under the moon, deep brown eyes instead of thick pools of blood.
“Maybe the West does eat at your mind,” Laurie murmured, fear and desperation edging his mounting words. “I don’t know, I don't know if you’re telling the truth, I don’t—”
Decker knew. He knew Laurie wasn’t shaken by the history of his uncle or the flash of a monster, but how he’d leaned into another man’s body, into his lips, like he’d wanted to be consumed.
“You’re safe in Ender’s Ridge, Laurie,” Decker said softly. He ached to feel his burning skin and his shallow breaths under his fingertips again.
“I don’t feel safe. I feel lost, like my path burst into flames the moment I left Boston, and you held the match.”
His quiet accusation sank in thoroughly before Decker’s lip curled. The last of their uneasy truce dashed to pieces. “You blame me?”
“You took me into the mountains, told me things about my uncle I never evenconsidered, and when I felt like my mind was breaking, you—you didthat,” Laurie whispered, cradling his arms across his chest. “You tell me your marriage is a sham and you touch me like it’s the truth. What am I supposed to think?”
“That I hate seeing you in misery, moping around your chapel while you get doe-eyed and sweet-lipped around any man who looks at you half decent. It’s humiliating to watch.”
“So don't.”
“It’s impossible when you’re at my saloon every day. ‘How’s the weather, Decker? Can I have a spiced cider, Decker? Come look at the chapel, Decker’.”
Laurie’s eyes sparked. “I was beingkindto you. I pitied you alone in your saloon, always drinking and working and never enjoying a sunny day with your neighbors.”
“Another case of charity from the humble preacher—you have my sincere gratitude,” Decker bit out.
“I was trying to be a good neighbor. I admit I crossed lines, butyoumoved them.”
Near-silent hoofbeats marked Sitara’s return, melting out of the brush behind him and nudging her blood-stained muzzle into his arm.
Decker laughed, but it was a harsh sound. “If you came here wanting celibacy you have a damn poor way of showing it.”
Laurie’s lips tightened with the expression of a man not knowing what he wanted. Decker felt like he was looking in a mirror.
“I tried,” Laurie whispered. “I tried to hide it.”
“You’re doing a shit job.” Untying the reins with a jerk, Decker swung in the saddle and thrust a hand towards him.
Shaking a handkerchief from his pocket, Laurie began wiping the blood from his neck, his face, as if he could wash away his shame.
“There’s worse things than me out here, Mr. Lane.”
He folded the bloodied fabric into a neat square, staring hard at it as if he hoped Decker would disappear once he looked up. “I’ve taken care of myself just fine, Decker.”
Fine. Be stubborn.
