Words pushed forward into his mouth and crowded his brain. He swallowed them back. He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t tell her.
“I killed people,” he blurted, surprising them both.
Honey tipped her head and looked at him. “I’m not surprised. You were in the army and while Canada’s military is primarily a peacekeeping force, they do, on occasion, use their firearms. And that bothers you. I think it would bother most people.” She paused and patted his arm, like a mother might soothe an upset child. “I’m glad it bothers you. You wouldn’t be the man I thought you were if it didn’t. And if all those deaths were sanctioned by your leaders, I don’t have a problem with it.”
He leapt to his feet. “Of course, they were sanctioned,” he blurted, half angry she was implying otherwise. Then it dawned on him she hadn’t made an accusation; he’d picked it out of the air. “Sorry. Sensitive subject.” Bill whined and leaned against Ira.
“Oh, I understand fully. I didn’t mean to sound like I thought you would go against orders.” She patted the couch. “Sit back down. Relax. I’m not going to boot you out of my apartment.”
He paced a moment until his heart rate eased off before rejoining her.
“There’s more, isn’t there?”
Dang. She was perceptive. He nodded. “I’d rather let it go for today. I’ve bared my soul enough for one day.”
She nodded. “Thanks for sharing. I know it probably isn’t easy for you. We could talk more about it, if you wanted to.” She left the invitation hanging.
“Thanks. I talk to my shrink. She’s a lot of help. Dr. McCarthy. I’m sure you know of her.”
“Why, what have you heard?” Honey pretended to be worried.
Ira laughed. “Nothing, honestly.”
“Hey, no worries. I did see her for a while. I’ve come across some sketchy stuff in my research. Stuff that’s hard to get my head around. I needed someone to vent to. She’s understanding and sensitive. Not to mention the only shrink in town. I don’t mean that as a slur, just Coyote Creek is so small there’s not much need for more than just her. I haven’t seen her recently and hope I never have to again. Some stuff just shouldn’t be available to the general public, if you know what I mean.”
“I do. I totally understand.” He held out his hand for a fist bump.
Instead of bumping him back, she uncurled his fist and threaded her fingers through his. “Want to watch something on TV? This discussion needs to be tabled. No sense revealing all our secrets at once.”
“Sure, why not?” Aside from a shared psychiatrist, she hadn’t revealed any secrets. Yet. He understood relationships weren’t tit for a tat. Not give one, get one. She’d share when she was ready and she did say something about a confidentiality agreement the other day. One thing being in the military had taught him was some things couldn’t be revealed and others shouldn’t. Perhaps she’d learn to trust him enough to share. Mentally, he crossed his fingers in hope.
