Chapter Twenty-Eight
After her shift at work, Honey climbed into Ira’s Jeep and kissed him on the cheek. He smelled delicious. New cologne perhaps? Different soap? She inhaled deeply. Patchouli, mint, leather, and man. Absolutely heavenly. Ira had called her earlier asking if they could spend time together. “Hi. Missed you today,” she murmured.
He hugged her tightly. “Missed you too.”
“Where are we off to?” He didn’t immediately answer, nor did he start the vehicle.
She looked at him, taking in his grim expression and the pulse pounding in his neck. “What’s wrong? You said you needed help with something? Are you okay?” she asked, worry swamping her. His brows were pinched together, his hands clenched on the steering wheel. His left heel tapped an unsteady rhythm on the floorboard. His sad countenance was so opposite to the blazing August sun it was startling.
She stroked his soft beard, trying to offer comfort without getting lost in the sensual feel of his whiskers. They tickled her palm and heated her desire. She was falling for him, more than falling for him. She was full on smitten. “Talk to me, Ira. Tell me what’s going on in your head. Please.” It was so difficult to open him up, to get him to talk about things deeply personal, and she suspected this time wasn’t going to be any different.
“It came.”
“What came?” She suspected he meant the paternity test results, but she didn’t want to assume anything or rush him to speak. His distress tore at her heart. She waited patiently for him to open up.
“The paternity test.” He pulled a crumpled envelope from between the seats and passed it to her.
She glanced down at the innocent looking white envelope. It was wrinkled and dirty as if someone had crumpled it and tried to flatten it back out. She turned it over to read the front. A huge coffee ring marred the return address. She peered up at him. “What happened to it?”
“It came yesterday. I picked it up at the post office on my way home from the ranch. I couldn’t make myself open it. I threw it on the table.” He sighed heavily, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.
“And?” Getting the story from him was like pulling teeth, or taming a feral house cat. Time and patience were needed. She waited for him to go on.
“And I just stared at it for hours. I couldn’t sleep not knowing, but I couldn’t open it either. It just sat on the table mocking me.”
He did look exhausted. He was pale and had dark circles under his eyes as if he wasn’t sleeping well. She smoothed the envelope on her knee and traced her finger around the stain, waiting.
“I set my cup on it. Trying to hide it. Make it look like any other envelope. It didn’t help.”
She stroked his arm. “It’s going to be okay. Do you want me to open it?”
“No.” His voice was low and shaky.
“Are you going to open it?” She reached over and flipped the ignition to accessory so she could roll down her window and let some heat out before she melted. The temperature in the Jeep was rising fast under the afternoon sun.
“No.” His worried expression didn’t ebb, and indecision darkened his voice.
“Do you want to let Robert open it?”
“No.”
Okay, this was getting out of hand. He had the results. The issue would resolve itself and his tension would dissipate with the results. How dreadfully stressful for him this must be. She couldn’t even imagine what he was going through. She had no similar experience. Still, she empathized with him even though she knew the anxiety of not knowing could be worse than a disappointing solution. “You have the results, why not look at them? What’s the worst that can happen?”
* * *
“What’sthe worse that can happen?” Ira parroted and pivoted to glare at Honey. Was she insane? How could she not see what was at stake here? She was usually so sympathetic and understanding. “Everything can go wrong.”
“Walk me through it,” she urged, squeezing his hand in hers. “Tell me what you’re thinking. Maybe we can puzzle out a solution together.”
Her support meant the world to him, but didn’t ease the fear dragging him down. He felt heavier than when he had carried his wounded buddy and two packs to safety. The emotional burden and the fear echoed that horrible day. All he lacked was the determination he’d had then.
Troops supported each other, but they didn’t pressure each other about their issues. Honey was different. She wasn’t going to let this go. But how did he reveal he was frightened he might not be Robert’s son.
It shouldn’t matter. He’d spent his life without a father. His mother had been enough. Almost enough. Sure, as a kid, he’d wanted a father; but he’d lacked for nothing during his childhood. They’d gotten along fine without a male role model. As a young adult, the military became his family.
Then, he was drummed out of the service and his mother died leaving him alone. He maintained his relationship with many of his squad mates, but it wasn’t the same.
Until he held the lab envelope in his hand, he didn’t realize how hard he was clinging to his new family, his father’s family. Or how much he needed to know he wasn’t alone in the world. He needed to belong.
