“So you… What I mean is… How are you?” The recovery on this kid.
“I’m doing great, just great. How about you?”
“I’m great,” he said, though he didn’t sound like he believed it. “I’m here with my friend. He signed me up.”
“That’s great.”
Great tally: four.
“I work here,” I stated the obvious, like an idiot. He didn’t say “got that” like the teenager I’d known would have. “I’m a counselor. But that’s not all I do.” Why couldn’t I think of what else I did here? And since when was I embarrassed to call myself a camp counselor? “I do other things. And I live here year-round with Hazel, Leo, and Jack… Have you met Jack?”
He stiffened slightly. “No, I haven’t. My counselor is Lamar.”
“Oh, he’s great. I love Lamar. And Jack is… Well, he’s awesome, as I’m sure you’ll find out.” This was beginning to feel like the longest conversation ever.
He smiled at me, and I tried to hide my mortification.
“You look good.”
I laughed at the clichéd response. “You too.”
I wasn’t going to lie to the man. He looked so much better than good. He rubbed his neck, which drew my attention to the spot I’d loved to kiss and breathe in back when we were together. He leaned in closer, and I caught a whiff of his amber and spice scent. So much better than the Axe body spray he’d worn like all the boys in our high school.
I glanced down and took in the rest of him. He had filled out. He was more muscular, as if the man spent all his free time at the gym. And could he have gained height? There was no way, right?
I actively avoided looking at his muscles, no matter how hard I wanted to gaze at them. Maybe run my finger down each line and ridge or fully investigate with my tongue.
I changed the subject because we were on shaky ground. “Are you still living in the Pacific Northwest?”
I needed to keep him talking. Otherwise, he’d ask me something senseless, like whether I had downtime totalk.
“Yeah, Seattle,” he confirmed. Looked like my sources were correct.
“So, you’re a lawyer then?”
“I’ve been practicing for a while now. I live and work downtown.” He didn’t ask about my work, but that was probably because my career spoke for itself. For the most part. “What about Nancy and Robert? Are they still in their old place?”
I nodded. We’d lived in a small suburb just outside the city. My dad still lived there with my stepmom in a five-bedroom house fit for a larger family. It’d been a lot for us even back then. My biological mom, however, was… Wherever moms who left their kids went. Probably Florida. Ever since I was ten, I liked to think it was in some hick-ass town in Florida. Somewhere she had spotty cell reception and no friends. It was what she deserved.
Maybe I was slightly vindictive over her. Back then, I hadn’t gotten that way about Jamie. All I got when I thought about our breakup was sad. Even now. God, seeing him had me feeling like I was seventeen again.
Thankfully, we made it to the field, and things were literally in full swing again. I walked to a target that wasn’t being used. He pursed his lips as I picked up an ax from the box on the ground.
“Hey, James, you can borrow one of my axes if you want. Yours might be too… Slippery.” Ren dropped his ax into its designated location and watched his friend.
“Go away, Ren.” Jamie held back his laugh.
Ren looked from him to me and back again, putting up his hands, his eyes penitent.
I piled on. “Whoa there, turbo. I think you may want to start with something easy. Let me see if we have a beginner’s ax.” We didn’t have one. There was no such thing. “It’s bright orange and made of plastic so you don’t injure yourself or others.”
Ren snorted and looked away quickly, making another attempt at the target.
“Beginner’s ax? You know I don’t have that bad of a swing, right?” Jamie took a dry ax from the box.
I shrugged. “Can I teach you something? Okay, so you hold it like this.” I mirrored my typical stance, my feet the right distance apart. “You don’t pull back as far as last time, and you hit the board. The trick is more aim, less fear.”
Jamie mimicked me, throwing his ax again and hitting wood.
“Look at that.”
He waited for the people throwing around him to pause before retrieving his own. Then he threw for a second time and hit the middle ring. I’d seen this happen hundreds of times, but goddamn if this one didn’t turn me on.
Don’t fall back into old habits.
He was only here for a week. Why was I even thinking about that? That was irrelevant. Nothing could happen. Nothingwouldhappen, not if I wanted to keep my heart intact. Because the last time I saw him, I hadn’t thought it was going to be the last time. He hadn’t given me a choice.
