fourteen
Jamie
Fuck.WhydidIdo that?
I was only hurting myself. And I’d been doing it the whole night. She’d admitted that our memories still felt fresh, and if it was anything like I felt, they were right there, ready to steal my attention at any moment. Reminders of happy times mixed with past mistakes. I couldn’t believe I almost asked her the question I’d been avoiding the entire time I’d been in her presence: does that mean you still feel the pain I caused when I broke your heart?
She didn’t have feelings for me anymore, but I still wanted to ask her if it hurt her when she looked at me, because as much as it sucked to admit, it fucking hurt when I looked at her. The idea couldn’t be tamped down. It spread through me like a drop of watercolor on paper, expanding wider and wider until it reached every edge and corner. Apparently, I’d become a masochist, probably because it was what I deserved.
Autumn’s shallow breaths were killing me and filling me with more pernicious thoughts like,What would happen if I ran my thumb across her bottom lip?andWhat if I learned the locations of all of her tattoos?She’d run away, that was for sure. And remembering that made things so much worse. I’d been sporting a heart hard-on since seeing her throw those axes.
Autumn’s hair almost looked brown when it was wet like this in the dark of night. She was so beautiful with her tresses in damp plaits grazing her shoulders, small drips slowly cascading down the sides of her face. I nearly forgot that she was naked under the dark water, but I was fairly sureshewas well aware. She took on this timid-like quality as she stared at me after touching her below the pylons. My fingers seared from the contact.
“We should—” we said in unison, breaking the moment before things got too serious. We chuckled, yet again in unison, and I realized what I needed to do. I needed to get out of here, and I had to be the one to make the first move.
“Yeah, just give me a minute,” I responded without thinking.
What she might have thought I required a minute for, I wasn’t sure. But I needed to redistribute the blood from my lower half, which, despite the coolness of the water, had been a problem since we’d moved under this dock.
She dipped her shoulders underneath the water and popped back up, absentmindedly drifting closer, but I touched her shoulder to hold her back.
“No, I, like, can’t physically swim right now. Matter of fact, get away from me.” It sounded like a joke.
Recognition spanned her face before Autumn burst into laughter, and more drops fell, this time creating ripples in the water between us. She didn’t stop laughing, speaking through failed breaths. “At least the effect you had on me doesn’t mean I’ll sink to the bottom of the lake.”
Hilarious.
Wait, did she just admit I was affecting her too?
“You always did have a shitty sense of humor.” Lies.
Her laughter didn’t abate. “Okay, horndog. I’m going now, so look away. Think like a noodle.”
I placed my head in my hands, sinking into the water without thinking. Think like a noodle? Who the fuck was this girl?
She didn’t stop laughing, and it echoed off the water. She was going to wake up the entire camp and expose me, which would add another layer of mortification. Then she went silent.
“Close your eyes.” Her tone brooked no argument.
I didn’t even think. I just did as she asked. Then I heard her climb out of the water. Oh, yeah. She wanted me to close my eyes so I didn’t see her naked. Thank fuck, because if I had looked, I would never be getting out of here.
We walked on the well-worn path just far enough away from each other that our arms didn’t touch, both of us in clothes that grew damper the more they soaked up the water from our wet bodies. The camp wasn’t exactly quiet. It sounded like other people were enjoying themselves around pod campfires, which crackled from the heat on mostly dry logs.
The night air was blissfully rejuvenating as we strolled. Peaceful sounds emanated from crickets and frogs along the way as Lake Starlight danced in its bowl. I took a deep breath in. This was what magic felt like.
But Autumn was so quiet it was starting to get to me.
“I didn’t mean to jump in like that earlier,” I tried just above a whisper.
“I know,” she deadpanned. “You heard a deer.”
Her face was completely neutral, reminding me of my funny ex of the past. I was probably reading into it, but I didn’t know that it affected me back then like it did now.
“I don’t like it when animals see me in my underwear, Autumn. You know that.”
There was no point in whispering when she laughed as loud as she did.
“I forgot how funny you are.” Her rueful smile had me wondering what was going on behind those glassy eyes.
