Nat celebrated her third-place win with her pod, and I hurried my ass to the dock. I didn’t need to be on it again, covered in mud with her. So, after an obligatory jump to rinse mud off my body, I tried not to linger on the last time I’d jumped into this lake. Or the fact that Nat would be jumping in right behind me. I had the urge to pull her off to the side and apologize, but there were too many people around, and I’d see her tonight in our cabin.
I went back to my cabin to truly clean myself. My mind was blissfully blank as the warm water cascaded down my limbs in a much-welcome reprieve. My arms were tired from working on the siding for Nat’s cabin all day, then doing the arduous mud crawl. I let the heat soothe me as I efficiently scrubbed myself. I smiled as I reached into the linen closet and found it organized, the towels rolled as if we were in a hotel.
It was then that I took a look at the bathroom and how much it had changed. A Hawaiian pink shower caddy hung off a hook behind the door. Her toothbrush and toothpaste, the hair clip she’d worn yesterday, and some makeup brushes were all neatly arranged on the counter.
She was everywhere in this cabin, even though she had yet to step inside it tonight. I wondered if she’d come back here to clean up after the mud crawl, but she must have showered and changed at one of the communal bathrooms.
Dinner was an exhausting game of half listening to Felicia’s animated story about a lock-picking adventure with a friendafter they’d semi-stalked the quarterback of their high school football team and dropped her keys in his gym bag. Did I know why they’d ended up in his gym bag? No. Really, I was just looking for Nat. After an hour of this, it became obvious that Nat must have grabbed a prepared adult Lunchable and decided to eat somewhere else.
After leaving the mess hall, I played a fun game I liked to callhow many minutes have passed since I last looked at the clock?while waiting for her to come back home. I was antsy to clear the air between us and caught myself opening her social media account to kill more time. I wished I could have said this was my first perusal, but the truth was, ever since she’d lit my nephew up like a happy little hellion by following him, I’d been pulling up her account more and more. Naturegirlnat had been easy to find, and she’d even posted the photos that she and my nephew had taken together during his visit last weekend.
By the time I’d caught myself smiling like a dumbass at my phone, again, I decided it’d be best to get out of this cabin. What was taking her so long? Dinner was over. Her activity was over. Where was she?
Standing on my porch, I breathed deeply and took in the warm evening before I meandered around camp. I walked toward the craft cabin and saw a light on. Bingo. She may not have expected an apology, but I wasn’t going to let this night pass us by without having said my piece. I would go back to giving her space if she preferred it that way,afterapologizing.
TWENTY-TWO
Nat
Today wasthe second time I’d cleaned mud out of crevices it didn’t belong.
The second time I’d seen Jack covered in the stuff and had been somehow turned on by the image.
It wasn’t my fault. That kiss the other day still had me squirming. It had been good. Mind-alteringly good.
But that didn’t matter because I was the villain in Jack’s story, and he’d treated me that way since I’d arrived. It’d been because of this that he’d brought things out in me I never expected to see. Things I still judged myself over.
I thought back to that night with Gia. I’d been on the rebound from a breakup. She’d obviously been with someone else. We’d hit it off over another camper’s bad version of a cosmo, which neither of us had enjoyed but had drunk anyway. They’d made far too much, and I’d procured the pitcher and my silicone wine glass—because classy—and Gia and I had shared the drink back and forth, getting drunk as we sat on a dock on Lake Starlight.
I remembered our fingers brushing and the way I’d looked down to see the little stars painted on her blue nails.
But there was no romanticizing it beyond that. I’d barely known her.
I’d walked her back to her cabin and kissed her. No, she’d kissed me. That I remembered vividly because I’d been questioning what was about to happen and whether I was ready after the breakup I’d gone through earlier that month.
It was hard not to overanalyze everything now. The way she’d opened up to me over mixed drinks. She’d mentioned wanting thetrue camp experience,which must have been why she’d slept in her own cabin that week. The make-out was good. She’d giggled even. But out of nowhere, Gia had pulled away from me as though she’d made a huge mistake. Her reaction had left me wondering if I’d done something wrong. Now, I knew what that look was. She must have realized she’d cheated on Jack with a coworker of his.
The next day, she’d been gone.
She became the reason I’d decided against casual hookups. I’d leaned into making out with her because I’d been down on myself, but being ghosted by the hot girl at camp hadn’t made me feel any better.
Before, I hadn’t been opposed to one-night stands or intense make-outs with people I didn’t know. It was hard to find a release when you were traveling constantly, so I’d occasionally ended up in the arms of someone new, knowing it wouldn’t go anywhere. There was nothing wrong with that. But something had felt off with her. Now I knew why.
And other than Jack, at least two other people knew what had happened that night. It felt awful imagining what Jamie and Autumn must think of me.
They’d never outwardly treated me like shit, but were they just keeping it to themselves and secretly judging me? And which was worse? They’d obviously been above the former, but I had no idea about the latter.
I’d endured a lot the past six weeks, but the worst part was this cocktail of confusing emotions. First, I liked him, then I hated him, then I hate-liked him. Now I definitely hated him.
“Knock, knock.”
Speak of the devil. And on another note, I really hated when people said knock, knock.
I sighed angrily, and that feeling didn’t change just because he looked contrite.
The look quickly went away as Jack entered the craft cabin. “You have a minute?”
“I’m busy.” I turned off the sink and shoved the paintbrushes I’d been cleaning into a mason jar to be used for the next class. I probably should have manhandled them a little less. They’d done nothing to deserve that.
