I understood the gravity of what she was saying and drew my own conclusion. “So you’re worried it ended up in the garbage?” There was no judgment in my tone, only understanding.
Hazel nodded. So I got down on my knees next to her.
“I keep thinking that maybe he tried to reach out, but he couldn’t get through to me because I… you know.”
She’d mentioned how she’d commiserated with Leo the day she blocked her dad’s number. The man was a pit of greed and relentlessly hurt Hazel’s kind spirit, but he was still her father. I wasn’t one to judge. If anyone could relate to having a shitty family, it was me. So I helped her search. When we didn’t find it in the garbage, I branched out, checking the table and counters. She finally found it hiding in plain sight on her coffee table.
My friend looked at the numbers scrawled onto the ripped part of the notebook paper. I met her beautiful hazel eyes. She’d always had pretty eyes, sometimes green, sometimes brown, and right now they were a little wild and a little hurt.
“Do you want some privacy? I can come back,” I offered.
Hazel stared at the paper for a moment. “No, I’m okay.”
She hastily took a picture of the scrap of paper to avoid this from happening again. When she turned around, I could see the overwhelm in her eyes and knew there was so much on her shoulders.
“How about you wash your hands and I take care of this?” I grabbed her broom and dustpan from the kitchen closet and shoveled the debris back into the bin. “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked when the mess was cleared and we’d cleaned up.
We sat in the middle of her purple velvet couch, each of us wrapped up in the softest blankets ever. Hazel shook her head at my question and picked up the remote. We began watching the Hallmark movie she’d muted to have her breakdown.
After a while, Hazel put her hand on my knee and squeezed softly. “I’m sorry. I know you didn’t sign up for this today, but I’m glad you’re here.”
While I appreciated the sentiment, it also made me feel protective of her. This must be how Leo felt about her all the time.
That was the second apology I’d received tonight, although this one was completely uncalled for.
“You don’t need to apologize. You should always be able to sift through garbage with friends.”
This pried a smile and an eye roll from her. It was exactly what I was going for.
“Not many people would do that,” she mused as we watched the couple on screen touch hands quickly, then pull away. Maybe I was feeling mushy, but I curled myself into her blanket and touched her shoulder. She turned to me, a puzzled look on her face.
“You have people here who love you. Leo loves you. I love you.”
Hazel cocked her head as if she were telling me to take my own words to heart. “You know you have that, too, right? People who love you here?”
I smiled and shrugged. “Of course. How could they not love the girl who captures their best angles, makes strangers fall in love with camp, and who they love to ridicule for her eclectic taste in music?”
“Don’t discount yourself. And there’s nothing wrong with your taste in music. Anyone who says otherwise can fight me.”
I believed Hazel to a degree when she said people loved me, but a scared part of me also believed I could lose her. The snide voice in the back of my head reminded me that my friendships didn’t last. For many, I was too emotional, too loud. Just too much. I’d been rejected for this reason before, so now it was inherent to temper myself. To be mindful and not be a burden. Not to put too much strain on my relationships. So, I kept myself at bay around Hazel. It was necessary to ensure she’d keep wanting me around. Her just-right friend.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you, but I’m glad you came,” she said softly as if she’d just realized we didn’t have plans together.
I thought about telling her about Jack again, but in the moment, my issues felt small and insignificant. She was already dealing with a lot.
I watched a little mobile of paper airplanes spin in the corner of the room as the air from a vent below blew upward. “Me too. It’s been a minute with the storm and the traveling. I’ve missed you.” All true, even if I conveniently left out the selfish bits.
Hazel’s whole body softened, and she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. “Missed you too, Nat,” she said into my hair. “You know what we need? More friendship.” She pulled back to face me with an unexpected gleam in her eyes. “To the group chat!”
I watched her as she texted her group chat, calledGirls, Gays, and Theys, effectively sending out the bat signal.
Our phones both vibrated, a Morse code of hell-yeses, excuses, and wish-I-coulds.
Those who decided to join were headed over now, and that was when I decided to embrace it, pulling up an app to order pizza delivery.
Fifteen minutes later, a knock sounded at the screen door. Emerson and Felicia stood arm in arm, bursting with energy.
“It’s been too long,” Felicia lamented as she handed me a bottle of gin.
