“If you want to come with us, you can.” Terrible invitation. The assorted eye rolls around the table prove it.
But how do I say “I want you to be so entwined with me I’m ripped to shreds when you go your own way in the end”and make it sound believable?
Rose offers a small smile, shaking her head. “That’s okay. Maybe another time.”
The woman who hates saying no rejected my request. And I’m pretty sure it’s not because she wants to. She thinks that’s whatIwant.
My family manages to shake off the awkwardness I’ve dropped over the evening, but the night wraps up not long after we finish dessert. Jovie says her goodbyes, keeping her armsaround Rose while shooting a death glare at me for ruining everything.
I’m mad at myself, too, kiddo.
Rose lingers on all the hugs she’s offered. Even with Nathan, who I’ll be having words with later. She sinks in and holds on like she doesn’t get hugged enough. Which is crazy because she should be hugged every day. I’d walk around with her snugged to my front like a koala if I could.
My parents tell her she’s welcome to come back anytime. She’s sweet but stays noncommittal. Another sign of how badly I’ve screwed up.
As we head out the door, Nathan mouths, “Fix this.”
I will. If I can.
I start up the Bronco and head out, my mind spinning over where to start my groveling.
“I’m glad everybody liked the honey,” Rose says. Of course she’ll find a bright side. “Your family’s great. Sticking with Jovie was the right way to go. But if I did too much by inviting her to come over for game night, I’ll tell her I can’t do it after all.”
In the low light of the Bronco, I can see her work her bottom lip with her teeth. Once again, she’s not offering to abandon game night because she wants to. She thinks she’s doing what I want her to. Because I couldn’t just tell her the truth.
It’s going to break me when this ends.
“I want you to come to the cabin with us.” It sounds more like a demand than a request, but at least it’s out there.
She stares at me for so long, my skin starts to itch. “I don’t know if I should.”
“Because of me?” I ran so hot and cold tonight, it’s no wonder she’d be confused.
“Because of me. I’m not really a ‘camping with the family’ type girlfriend.”
“You don’t like camping?” At least that’s something I can work with.
Her sarcastic laugh punctures the air between us. “I mean I’venever made it to the stage where I even meet a guy’s family before, let alone go on vacation together. I’m not the serious girlfriend.”
“That’s bull. You are the serious girlfriend.” She’s the one you bring home and build a life around. The fact that she’s been so convinced she’s not by men who never deserved her makes me want to punch something. “You might have dated guys who weren’t serious about you, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of being serious about.”
I stop in front of her house, battling back the urge to tear off into the night until I find all her exes and take out my frustrations. Starting with Callahan. I don’t care if she said he’s a good guy. He’s closest.
I shut down the SUV’s engine and face her until she lifts her eyes to me.
“Right now, you’remyserious girlfriend. And I want you to come.”
Her smile appears like the dawn, slow and glorious. “Then I’ll come.”
I walk her to her door, regretting getting us into this space where we’re no longer holding hands. Maybe it’s simply because there’s nobody watching out her window to see us. If there’s no one there to witness, is the couple really fake dating? Something along those lines.
She unlocks her door and turns to me. “Will you arrange the game night with Jovie? Maybe Tuesday so I have something to look forward to after my day off.”
“Tuesday sounds great.”
She steps forward, offering me a hug, and I take it like the greedy man I am. Just like she did with my family, she holds on longer than I expect, squeezing me tight. I thought she was the one who needed the hug, but I’ve got both arms wrapped around her like I’m drifting at sea and she’s a life raft.
I inhale deeply, convincing myself she smells like honey mixed with strawberries. I brush my face over her hair, not quite a kiss,but no less damaging to my heart. My long, slow exhale is one of acceptance.
