Then he stopped. His hands pressed flat on the desk. He looked at the closed door.
Fool.
He was not entirely sure what he meant by it. A fool for letting her walk out when every part of him wanted to call her back? Or a fool for letting it reach the point where calling her back was something he wanted at all?
He sat back down. He looked at the squiggle in the ledger.
He did not pick up the quill again.
CHAPTER 26
Clara made her way down the stairs the following morning, carrying David over her shoulder. Julian was just coming out of the breakfast room.
“Oh,” she said. “I thought we would take breakfast together.”
He shook his head. “Unfortunately, I cannot. I have a number of matters related to the estate that require my attention.”
“I see,” she replied. He stopped awkwardly in front of her, looking from her to the baby and back again. David yipped and extended his hand towards him, still eager to grab whatever he could reach, but Julian stepped back.
“What are your plans today?”
She wet her lips. “Lady Marjorie Taylor has sent her regrets. She cannot come to the ball, so I made up my mind to go to her and speak to her in person.”
“I see,” he replied.
“Marianne is going to look after David.”
“I see. Well, I wish you success.”
Why was he so cold? She did not understand it.
What have I done to make it so that he barely speaks to me? Ever since Dover, he has been cold and removed. Was it because I sought his comfort?
It had to be. She was certain of it. She had been foolish once more. She had allowed her heart to govern her conduct, and now, she received the bill for it. She had been wrong. He did not care for her at all. This really was just an arrangement. Nothing more.
“If I said something to upset you, I beg your pardon,” she said. She was not going to spend the whole day carrying this weight on her chest without at least saying so.
He opened his mouth and closed it again. He watched her for what felt like an impossibly long time then took a deep breath. “You did nothing wrong. But I think we were both beginning to forget the purpose of this arrangement. It was to find Arabella and keep David safe. Nothing else. I think we have both drifted somewhat from that path.”
So it was that. But what did he mean by drifted? That implied he had felt something too.
“I do not understand your meaning,” she said. “How have we strayed from the path?”
He looked at her, his eyes narrowing slightly. “I think you understand perfectly well what I am saying. We must remind ourselves of the purpose of this arrangement. It is merely to find Arabella. Once that is done, we will sit down with her and come up with a plan for all of our futures.”
“I see. You have made yourself perfectly clear.” She straightened. “Well, I must go.” She did not wait another moment. She held David out, and he took the child on instinct.
“Are you not going to take your breakfast?”
“I find I have no appetite.” She turned and walked away.
Her chest felt tight as she went, swallowing down the discomfort rising in her throat. What an idiot she had been. A complete and utternodcock. Well, if distance was what he wanted, if an arrangement was all he wished this to be, then he could have it. She did not need him. She needed him less now than ever before—she had the title, she had the position, and that was all she required to be free. She could do as she pleased now, go where she liked, answer to no one.
Hang Julian and his changeable nature. Hang all these men.
She was going to do what she wanted. And what she needed to do right now was make enquiries about her best friend.
* * *
