“I…” Helena opened her mouth to say yes, because that felt right. Only, it was a lie, and she could not speak it. “I do not… No, not yet. But he might.”
“Helena…” Anna took her hand once more and squeezed it as she looked into her eyes, pleading with her. “It is not such a bad thing to develop feelings for your husband. In fact, that is the entire point of all this.”
“For some, maybe. Not for me.”
“Look at me,” Anna said. “I was the same, not wanting to marry for similar reasons. And now that I am, I could not be happier for it. Marriage is not the prison you seem to think it is. Not if it is with the right man.”
“But how do I know if he is right?”
“Ask him,” she said simply.
Helena leaned back. “I cannot do that. For all I know…” She winced and looked away, suddenly feeling embarrassed… and sad. “For all I know, he does not feel anything for me. All of this is for naught. It might be all in my head.”
“Possibly,” Anna relented. “But that does not mean you can’t find out. You see it as a betrayal to follow your heart, when the opposite is true. Think of it like this.” She took her other hand. “Your heart would not lead you down this path if not for a goodreason. It knows you better than anyone, just as it knows what you want.”
“I guess so…”
“You spend so much time in your own head, Helena, that you forget to live outside of it. This marriage is set to end, yes? That is the idea?”
“It is, for now.”
“Until it does, why not explore your feelings? There is no need to commit to anything. No need to panic.” She laughed. “But spend time with your husband, learn who he really is. And most importantly, learn who you really are. You might surprise yourself.”
“And if I am right?” Helena asked, desperate for answers.
Anna shrugged. “Then do as you both agreed and end the marriage when the time comes. It really isn’t as difficult as you are making it out to be. But be open, Helena. And try for once. Happiness can be found in marriage, and all I want for you is to be happy. You deserve it as much as anyone.”
Helena had no idea what to say, so she hugged her friend as a way to show her gratitude. And as she hugged her, she considered her words. The wisdom in them.
It was far too early to know what this marriage would become, just as it was far too early to really know how she felt about Sebastian. But if she were to stop running and give it a chance…
Might I have both? Freedom and happiness found in love?
It sounded too good to be true, an ending to one of her highly exaggerated stories. But like all good stories, those endings did not happen by accident, and before the final page was reached, the heroine had to act as she knew in her heart she should. No matter the cost.
“Thank you, Anna,” she said as she pulled away. “I… I needed to hear that.”
“For you, Helena, anything.”
She knew now what she had to do. She just hoped that she was strong enough to do it. And most importantly, she didn't do what she always did and lose herself in her own head because, so often, it was better to live in there than face the real world. Not to mention its dire consequences.
CHAPTER 15
“Are you going somewhere?” Sebastian’s voice drifted from the top of the staircase.
“Oh…” Helena turned and pretended to look surprised to find her husband standing there, watching her. “I did not hear you coming.”
“Were you listening for me?” he asked.
She shrugged. “You surprised me, that’s all.” She was half-facing the doorway but turned fully to look at him properly. “Not spying on me, I hope.”
“Should I be?”
Helena suppressed the urge to smile, thrilled with herself because this was exactly what she had planned. In truth, she had been standing in the foyer for several minutes now, waiting for Sebastian to happen upon her as if by accident.
“There is no reason to,” she said innocently. “However, I was not expecting to have to explain myself. Or ask permission. Truly, I did not think you would care.”
“Care?” Sebastian started slowly down the stairs. “Care about what, exactly?”
