But Sebastian smiled to see her. He felt a fire spark inside him. And as if a veil was being lifted, that very light shone through the darkness, and the answers became suddenly clear.
It is time that I stop lying to myself. That I question why I am so determined to ignore reality. What good will come of it? What am I scared of?
Rejection, he supposed. The slight possibility that, despite what he was starting to feel, Helena might not be of the same mind. She was hard to read. Her moods fluctuated randomly, so it was impossible to know how she felt. And yet…
He pictured the smile she wore when she looked at him. The laughter they shared lately. How comfortable they had become in one another’s company.
Maybe it wasn’t so confusing, after all? Maybe it was the most obvious thing in the world, and it was time that Sebastian admitted it to himself? And to Helena, for that matter.
“Well, this is a nice surprise,” he called as he turned onto the drive, sitting tall in the saddle, a wide smile on his face as he waited for Helena to turn and see him.
She paused and stiffened, hesitating as she looked ahead, and he worried for a moment that something was wrong.
“Expecting someone else, were you?” She turned around, but she did not smile. Even if Sebastian chose to see one in her eyes.
He laughed. “This time, you are just the person I wanted to see.”
She said nothing in return. Nor did she smile or laugh. On account of the darkness, it was hard to make out her expression, hard to see if she was delighted by the sight of him. And while Sebastian sensed that something was off, he figured that he was likely imagining things. His conscience fighting against him one last time.
“How were your parents?” he asked as he pulled up his horse beside the carriage, swinging his leg over the side next and jumping down. “And your sister?”
“They were lovely, thank you.” She did not go to him, but he did not expect her to.
“I thought you would stay the night,” he said, walking toward her. “It is quite a way to travel this late in the evening.”
She shrugged. “I thought to, but…” It was subtle, but he could have sworn that he saw her grimace. “I was not in the mood. My bed is its own sort of temptation.”
“I know exactly what you mean.”
Sebastian came to a stop only a few feet away from her. Her posture was withdrawn, hands fidgeting before her, shoulders hunched, half-turned so she was not looking directly at him.
Perhaps she is just tired? Or perhaps this is another one of her tests? Like me, Helena undoubtedly has no idea what she wants. All she needs is a push.
“And yourself?” she asked. “Coming from the orphanage?”
“Not today,” he said, smiling. “I paid Lord Ashford a visit. And had a few drinks while I was at it.”
Finally, she chuckled, even if it was a pitiful thing. “That explains the swagger.”
“What swagger?” He leaned back as if surprised. “This is my natural gait.” Then, he puffed out his chest. “Confident and self-assured, just how you like it.”
“Arrogant and cocksure, you mean…” Another soft chuckle, a shake of the head, and she relaxed slightly.
“I can only change so much,” he finished with a wink that was as arrogant as he could make it.
Her smile was hesitant, and still she was half-turned away. Their banter was there, as it always was, but it was stilted and awkward. Held back by an invisible force, careful not to be overly familiar. And despite not wanting to see it, Sebastian could tell that it was all on Helena’s side.
Something was wrong.
“Do you have plans tomorrow?” he asked, to which Helena immediately grimaced and turned stiff. “Not that I am trying to pry.” He made sure to smile. “I know how much you hate that.”
“I…” She was looking away, her voice soft. “I do not hate it as you might think.”
“Good,” he said. “Because I will be visiting the orphanage again, and I thought you might like to come with me. I know the children will like it.” He looked at her for an answer, but she gave him nothing. “Daniel, especially. He really has taken a liking to you.”
She smiled, but it was not warm. “I know he has.”
“So?” he pressed, taking a step closer because he could feel the distance between them. “Would you like to join me?”
