But she couldn’t speak. She could hardly breathe.
Muttering quickly now, Cassian said, “You have to understand it was an accident. I didn’t know what was happening and I didn’t want to believe William could do anything like that. All I wanted were answers. I was ready to believe a lie. But that made it undeniable.
“I couldn’t… He wouldn’t stop! I was shouting and then he was shouting. He was threatening me. Told me I had gone insane and I was raving like a lunatic. There were so many excuses. I didn’t understand who he had become. Why would he threaten to expose himself just to hurt me? To hurt our family? He would put everything at risk. Everything! Our reputation, our honor, our lives. The Crown could take everything from us. We argued. We couldn’t stop. He was raving like a madman and I grabbed him and I just… I didn’t think…”
Her hands covered her mouth in horror. “Cassian.”
“He fell in the Thames.” Her eldest brother looked at her through glassy eyes. “Do you remember the frost? He fell onthe icy edges and went right under. I couldn’t… I couldn’t do anything. He never came back up. It wasn’t supposed to happen. I would have jumped in if Dominic hadn’t pulled me back to my senses.”
So this was it. The truth that lived under the skin of their lives, mocking them and poking them and haunting them. Verity felt dizzy. She believed her brother, every word.
And how it hurt.
Cassian had carried this secret alone. He’d kept the truth from the family. What it must have taken to convince the world he was dead, especially without a body, she didn’t know. And all the financial ruin that could have overcome them…
Minutes ago, she had stormed in expecting satisfaction with the truth. She had braced herself for the worst.
But how can one know what is the worst if they don’t know what it is? There was a gnawing root of hurt buried deep in her stomach. It began to dig within her as she felt the grief of losing her uncle resurface into something new. It nearly choked her. How could she not have known this about her uncle? How could he have hidden so much from them?
“I… Verity, say something.”
She licked her lips slowly. “What do you want me to say?” Slowly she lifted her head to meet his gaze, searching for something.Peace, maybe, or comforting. “I mourned Uncle Will so much. I defended his memory. I have so much pain inside me for a man I never really knew. How do I trust the past in a family that wasn’t real? I…”
“I’m sorry,” he tried and reached for her.
But Verity couldn’t do it. She couldn’t touch him. Scrambling out of her seat, she put out a hand. “That isn’t even the worst of it, Cassian. I can overcome it. All of it. I will, in time. But the worst part is… Is that you let me grieve a lie. You stood beside me over the casket and watched me as I cried. You held my hand and you let me suffer. Why could you not have told me the truth?”
Her brother shook his shoulders uselessly as he came to his feet. “I don’t know what to tell you.”
“You could tell me you are sorry!” She cried out to the stranger before her. Tears spilled down her cheeks. They couldn’t be controlled any longer. Her heart was breaking all over again and everything hurt. “You could tell me that you won’t keep lying to me. That you will be honest with me! What sort of family are you?”
There was no comfort in this house. None, at least, that she wanted. Verity shook off Cassian’s attempt at grasping her and darted for the door.
Out into the hall she went, finding the rugs that Uncle Will used to playfully trip over to make her laugh. The windows where he would stand outside and make silly faces at her and her sisters.Past the hall where he would appear almost daily with a broad smile and wave.
Everything in the Ashbourne house reminded Verity of him and she couldn’t take it another second. She had to get out of there.
The only problem was that she didn’t know where to go. No place felt like home any longer.
CHAPTER 33
Scowling, Dominic left the Ashbourne house after yet another frustrating conversation. He and the viscount clearly did not get along. The likelihood of that ever changing wasn’t looking promising.
And worse, I don’t know where my wife has gone.
He shouldn’t have let her leave the house in the first place. He knew this. Truthfully, he hadn’t really thought she would go far. His aim had been to give her some time to think and calm down. Let them both calm down. And then he had followed after her only to find she wasn’t even under his roof.
His frustration grew. What was she doing? After leaving him like that, Dominic didn’t know what was left of their relationship.
But we are still married and I must protect her, even if it is from herself. Where could she have gone? I don’t know if she’s safe. I haven’t a clue where she might be. What if someone elsefound her? Good Lord, someone could blame her for her uncle’s actions. She isn’t safe.
“Are we going home, Your Grace?” His groom inquired when he reached his mount and was offered the reins.
Dominic shook his head. Climbing into the saddle, he glanced around the lane to weigh out his options. Already he knew he wouldn’t return home without his wife in hand. Cassian had told him that the truth was finally shared with her, and he didn’t like the thought of her being alone now.
“Into town,” Dominic decided after an idea came to mind. “Bond Street.”
It was a long shot, he knew, but it was worth a try. He nudged his horse into action before they were cantering swiftly down the lane. Though he would have liked to race through town, the sun was high in the sky and traffic abounded the closer they reached the busier parts of London.
