“I don’t understand that you cannot comprehend this,” Dominic said, struggling to keep the impatience at bay. He breathed in deeply to relax and remain calm. “I did what I had to do. Just because you write your journal doesn’t mean you need to be privy to every conversation where you can clean everything and everyone before you. What I did was for the best.”
She balled up his handkerchief. “No, it isn’t right.”
“How?” Dominic raised an eyebrow, refusing to let her get a rise out of him. “It was necessary.”
“You don’t regret it?”
He gave a short shake of his head. “I would do it again it I must.”
Inhaling sharply, Verity leaned away from him. The sharpness of the movement surprised him. He furrowed his brow and looked at her. But whatever light had been in her eyes previously had since left. There was a mask on her face as she closed her eyes and breathed in.
He shifted uneasily on the bench. “Verity––”
“No.”
“No?”
He needed to help her see reason. They were married, he reasoned, and they could still have a decent life together. Even if they were strangers. He picked himself up and hovered over her on the bench. All he needed was a new way to explain to her so she would understand. And if she didn’t…
I will worry about that later.
“I was a fool, wasn’t I?” Verity asked quietly, tonelessly. “I thought you might see me as someone intelligent. Perhaps even an equal. Not someone to manage or worry about and protect. I thought we could stand together like our wedding day. I didn’t worry about you being above me or in front of me…”
Grasping his opportunity, he nodded. “Exactly. I’m––”
“A liar? No. Maybe. Perhaps we both are if we thought this marriage meant anything. But I see now I was wrong.” Verity neatly folded the handkerchief into tiny squares before handing back over to him. Confused, Dominic accepted it and moved back a step as she stood. “But that’s not the worst part.
“No, the worst part isn’t that you kept such an important truth from me, but rather that you had already decided I wasn’t strong enough to face it.” Her words hit him hard in the chest like she had punched him there. He couldn’t speak. So she continued. “You didn’t protect me, Dominic. You tried to shrink me into nothing. You reduced me. I cannot ask for permission to understand my own life. It wasn’t awfully surprising from my family, since I wasn’t certain how much I could share about myself to them. But… from you? I let you see me. And I will not accept that again.”
Wrestling with his words, Dominic fought a silent battle within himself. He hovered over Verity as she left the shop and headed down the street. Strong emotions had him struggling to make up his mind. He didn’t know what he should do. All he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and bury his face in the crook of her neck.
Say something, you fool, speak!
“Where are you going?” Dominic demanded when she reached the carriage. “Back to our house?”
“I don’t think it was ever really mine.” Verity gave him a brittle smile. “I cannot return to stay where I am not treated as an equal. Will you force me to go with you?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Good. I’ll go back to my family in the meantime. Just until I have another plan. I will write to you,” she added just before she closed the carriage door in front of him.
What am I supposed to do about that?
Standing alone in the side street, he noted there were no front-facing shops so there was hardly anyone around. Dominic watched her go. He raked his hands through his hair while he attempted to deny the searing anger inside his chest. It burned icy hot as he buried the confusion. Yet it would only stay down for so long.
He wanted so badly to believe he had done the right thing. But doing this had brought forth consequences he didn’t like. He didn’t want to lose her.
I couldn’t even tell her anything. She couldn’t understand how much I would do for her. To have so much distance between us… This was what I wanted. I know this is what I had intended. So why does this feel so wrong?
There was nothing he could do to convince her that he was right, he realized. He couldn’t change her mind. It was beginning to feel like he couldn’t do anything.
Slowly he walked back to find his horse and groom. His mind buzzed along the way. It wasn’t hard to find his tall and handsome horse standing beside the groom’s mount. As Dominic grasped the reins of his animal, he thought over all the conversations he’d had today. All the danger that they had overcome. He wanted everyone to move on with their lives.
But to do that, they would have to overcome their pasts.
Dominic scowled at the thought. He mused over it on the ride back to his house, where he entered to find silence. It felt darker and practically depressing to be left alone. Wandering the halls, he slowly began to search his heart.
He missed Verity. He wanted her there at his side. Talking, smiling, laughing. She was unlike anyone he had ever spent with such time with before. Did she really mean to stay away forever? He couldn’t imagine that was real, but perhaps he could give her a day or two before he attempted to talk to her again. Or he could.
