She tried to conceal the way his words cut her.
“But I still want you,” he growled, holding his ground and staring across at her. “I want you to stay with me. Not because of our deal, but because of this.”
The poison in her heart turned into something else. A fluttering butterfly of optimism. “Oh?”
“It doesn’t need to be the year. Just a few more weeks. Give us time to enjoy each other, to get through this infatuation phase, and move on. I’m not ready to let you go.”
The butterfly crashed with a thud through her body; poison was back, and this time, it was in her blood, spreading through her veins until she could hardly breathe.
“A few more weeks,” she said, nodding, even when his offer was anathema to her. The very idea of this being just aninfatuation to him, something he was confident he could move on from. When she knew she’d given him her heart; her whole, entire heart.
“We’ll go back on the boat, just the two of us.”
She squeezed her eyes shut against what he was promising. It was so very tempting. Wasn’t she better to take the crumbs he offered, for as long as he offered them?
And what of pride, something inside of her demanded. Hadn’t she had enough of doing things for other people, giving without receiving? And if he couldn’t give what she needed, what she deserved, then how could she stay? Even when she wanted to.
“It’s not enough,” she said, moving her hands to the pockets of her jeans and pushing them inside, to save from fidgeting. “What you’re offering, it’s not enough.”
His brow furrowed, confusion evident in his handsome features. “Is it…money?”
Her heart exploded as though something had detonated in its very centre. He thought she wanted money to be with him? She shook her head quickly, hurt beyond description. “How could you even suggest that?”
He held a hand up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t understand.”
“I could have asked you for so much more than I did,” she ground out. “I knew what you were worth. I’m not stupid, Luca. I asked for what I needed, what I absolutely needed, and not a cent more.” She tilted her chin with defiant rage. “Don’t you ever accuse me of that again.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I didn’t mean it.”
“Didn’t you?”
“No.” He cursed under his breath. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Keep you in my life.”
Her heart hammered.
“I’ve never wanted someone like I want you. I have never faced the prospect of losing a woman before I was ready.”
It was too little. “You just ask me to stay in your life.”
“Didn’t I just do that?”
“Ask me without putting a timeline on it. Ask me without making me sound like a virus you want to be cured of.”
“But you are,” he growled, pacing towards her, drawing her into his arms urgently. “You have taken me over and I need that to stop. I need this to stop. But I’m not ready.”
“You want to be though,” she whispered, voice hurting to use.
“I can’t live like this.”
She closed her eyes, hating that she understood that. Hating that she knew and loved this man well enough to know why he refused to let himself love her, or even to be infatuated with her for any length of time.
“This isn’t enough for me,” she repeated. “You can’t give me what I want. And you don’t need me anymore. I have to go.”
“Go?” He shook his head. “You don’t want that, do you?”
