“I can hear you loitering.” Her voice carried so clearly; she didn’t sound her ripe age of ninety-eight. Since Ethel’s fated mate had been a shifter, she might have a longer lifespan. Then again, Anabelle herself should still have been alive. “Come in and tell me if you think aliens would have purple or sparkly pink vulvas.”
I gave her question serious consideration. Her favorite ship was from an old TV show about a human and alien couple that defied gender, and I learned that true fandom love never goes away. “I’d vote for neon green, actually. Why would they have the same parts as us in the first place?”
She waved a dismissive hand. “Let the old lady have her fun. If you want, I can make you a cock-shaped one next time. You could use it as a paperweight.”
“It would add an artistic touch to my bookshelf, definitely.” I approached closer, admiring her work. She’d been baking anddecorating for a fair portion of her life, and the skill must have translated into sculpting and painting because the clay creations were remarkable. Or maybe I just knew nothing about vulvas.
“Excellent!” She put her paintbrush down and turned to me. “Have you been sleeping at all? You look like the father of newborn triplets that scream all night.”
“I’m fine.”
“You can carry groceries in the bags under your eyes, Lo-lo.”
I chuckled. “You look great, though.”
“It’s the weed Marissa smuggled in. We baked the best muffins last night. I slept like a baby.” She cackled and dipped her brush in more paint. “How’s your love life lately? Is that why you look miserable?”
“Everyone says I’m always happy and smiling.” I pulled up a chair and sat next to her, hooking my ankles on the legs.
“Yes, but I can tell when you’re faking positivity.” She added colorful swirls to her sculpture, then gave me a deadpan stare. Ethel knew me well.
“I don’t have time for a relationship. You know this.” Not to mention I’d been hurt by a cheating asshole and was not ready to go through that again.
“Ah, then a good lay?”
“Ethel!” I buried my face in my hands and groaned.
“Maybe a cryptid fella, huh? Your great aunt was gorgeous in snake form when she shifted.” She released a dreamy sigh. “Ah, how I miss my dear Anabelle and the things she could do with her tongue.”
“That’s it. I’m leaving.” I shot to my feet.
Ethel cackled. “Oh, come on, don’t be such a prude.”
“I’m not.”
“Well, you need to get laid, darling.”
I snorted. “You sound like Sophia.”
“She’s a smart girl. Too bad you’re not into intelligent women.” Ethel smacked her lips, rearranging her sculptures. “Although I can understand. I had my fair share of—”
“Please don’t.” I shook my head but couldn’t stop grinning. I loved seeing Ethel so energetic. She had her good and bad days, and today was the former.
“You don’t have to marry right away. Live a little. Experiment; have fun. You’re so young. Don’t waste your youth on serious stuff.” She waved her hand in the air as if the entire world was what she’d meant. Fair point.
She wanted me to be like my old self—the Milo from before Anabelle’s passing and finding out my boyfriend cheated on me a week after. “Okay. I will try to be more open to some mindless fun.”
“That’s my boy. But be safe too. I mean, you may not need condoms if you date a cryptid, but—”
“We’re done here. I’ll make you fresh tea. Dear gods, help me,” I mumbled the last part and marched out of the room. Her witchy cackle followed me through the door.
Ethel was right, as always. I had thrown myself into endless tasks over the past year, only indulging in a fuck here and there with a tourist I’d never see again. I’d use condoms even with cryptids, despite their immunity to catching and spreading human diseases and infections. My great aunts raised a disaster, but a well-informed one.
The murals on the walls, painted by someone with immense talent, added joy to the corridor where I paused to look through the window and onto the vast, colorful gardens below.
Mrs. Patton’s sensible click-clacking heels announced her presence before she spoke.
“Mr. Tobitt, may I have a word with you?” She stopped by my side and patted the tight bun of brown hair at the top of her head.
