“Ellie?” the voice called again, and it was so close. So close to the one that would make everything better.
Heavy footfalls echoed in the empty house.
Empty.
Empty.
Empty.
I was so empty now.
They stopped—the footsteps.
Not the feeling, nor the pain.
The door creaked, opening wider, and then there was a rough exhale. A curse beneath quickening breath. A rustle of fabric as a large body crouched over me. I could hear the silent, rapidcalculations being made as I lay in the fetal position, surrounded by illogical pregnancy tests. They were positive, but I knew that didn’t mean anything. Still, I’d taken them because I’d wanted to cling to some twisted form of hope.
“Ellie Bellie,” came the voice, tender and low. “Oh, fuck, Ellie.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, too afraid to look at him. To see the bits of Sully that were in all the Londons.
All I could do was shake my head, denying…I don’t know,this. All of this. And then I curled deeper into myself. My hands were tucked between my legs, and my chin pressed against my chest. A shiver racked my body, but I didn’t feel cold. More pain sliced through me.
“Come on,” Theo breathed, and I felt his strong arms jostle beneath my body, wrapping around me. “Come on, Ellie Bellie. Let’s get you off this floor.”
And then I was. I was off the floor, in the air, pressed to Theo’s broad chest.
“Do we need to get you to a doctor?” he asked, his voice level, calm. Always calm.
“No,” I croaked, hoarse from crying.
Theo hesitated. We were in the hall now, and I could read his indecision—about whether to bring me elsewhere in the house or to the car.
“I called the nurse line,” I added—to help him. “She said if anything gets worse…”
I trailed off, not having the energy to detail exactly what that might look like. I didn’t want to go in, didn’t want to admit that this wasn’t all in my head, didn’t want a confirmation. I’d rather live in denial a little while longer, rather not think about it. I didn’t really want to think about anything.
Theo remained in a buffering state.
Seconds passed, maybe minutes.
Eventually, he turned and walked me up the stairs. The creak of the steps and the cadence of his footfalls gave it away. Hehesitated again at the top, and I peeked around enough to see the direction he eventually decided to take me—to Natalie’s room.
But that felt wrong.
“No, I want?—”
Theo immediately turned on his heel, kicking open a different door, and before I knew it, I was sinking beneath a plaid red comforter that was pulled up to my shoulder as I buried my head in a soft, recognizable pillow. Lumpy, just the way I remembered.
“What time is it?” I asked, unaware of how much of the world had moved on while I’d been on that bathroom floor.
“Eight o’clock.”
“At night?”
“Yes, Ellie. It’s Saturday night.”
I nodded, feeling pressure build behind my eyelids. I wished it were Saturday morning again. I wished I were on the couch with Sully, thinking about baby names.
