“Right,” I said, croaking the word out.
“Can I tell him to send them to you?” she asked, but her words sort of bounced likeshewas bouncing.
“Sure, kiddo,” I said, trying to sound excited for her benefit while tears welled in my lash line.
“Okay! Here, you can talk to Mom now.”
It should be studied—the quickness with which she ditchedthe phone as soon as she got what she wanted, and when Natalie’s voice sounded through the speaker, I wasn’t sure if I was laughing or crying.
“Ellie? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, sorry.” I sniffed, running a hand down my face. God, I was a mess. “Your daughter is just causing me some emotional damage.”
“Oh my God, what did she do?”
“Nothing. She’s just…playing matchmaker.”
“Ohno.” Natalie dragged out the word. “Was it the LEGO thing? I specifically told hernotto bring that up.”
“Yes.” I was both laughing and crying harder now. “But it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” Natalie sighed. “I was pretty damn clear that Uncle Sully?—”
“Really, it’s fine. I’m actually here. With him.”
“Wait—you’re…in Minnesota?”
“Yeah.” I took a deep breath, summoning the strength to get through this conversation. Sully had been encouraging me to call Natalie for a couple of days, thinking it might help to have her support. When I’d finally decided I was ready, he’d offered to do it with me, but I told him it would probably be easier to have this conversation without him.
He hadn’t argued. I think he was just happy that I was willing to talk to someone.
In the distance, I could hear the buzzing of the lawn mower as he cut the grass outside.
He was always moving, always trying to keep busy.
“I’ve been meaning to call you and fill you in, but…” I trailed off, not really having a good excuse to end with.
Luckily, Natalie didn’t seem to care.
“What’s going on?”
Another deep breath.
“You know earlier this summer, in Boston?”
“Yeah…” Natalie responded cautiously.
“I might have slept with your brother.”
There was a long pause before, “What?”
“I might have also gotten pregnant,” I rushed on. “And moved back to Minnesota because of it.” Natalie sucked in, shocked, but I forged ahead, not wanting to linger on something that was no longer the reality of the situation. “And I might have also lost that pregnancy. So now I’m just…here.”
I was justhere, even though my original purpose for being here was gone.
And I’d never felt more confused. More lost or uncertain. More gutted or heartbroken.
“Oh my God, Ellie,” she said in a hush. “Oh, El. I don’t even know what to say. Do you want me to come? How are you doing? What can I do?”
