Instead of looking at my brother, I focused on the ends of my sweatshirt’s drawstring, fiddling and tying them together. “Yeah?”
“You can call me just like you used to.”
“I know,” I sighed, throwing my head back and abandoning my strings. “Thanks, man.” And then, as I stared at the sky and the stars in it, I blurted, “You know anything about vasectomies, Dr. London?”
Blake chuckled, like he thought I might be joking.
I wasn’t.
“I’m serious.” I lifted my head, giving him a look. “Consider this your first call.”
Blake sobered, leaning forward. “Well…it’s not my area of expertise, but what do you want to know?”
I lifted a shoulder as though this wasn’t a big deal. As though I hadn’t been thinking about this constantly. “El’s birth control options are limited. She can’t have any hormones without riskingthe reoccurrence of a life-threatening condition, so I proposed getting snipped. She wants to make sure it can be reversed one day.”
The way Blake’s lips pinched together was not a good sign.
“Chances are pretty good, yeah. But Sully, the snip is like a fifteen-minute thing. The reversal is a full surgical procedure. I know why you want to do this, but that direction is not usually recommended as a birth control option if you think you might have kids one day. You could always freeze your sperm as a backup, but…” He sighed. “I have a buddy from med school who is a urologist, if you want me to connect you. I know your circumstances are special.”
“Eleanor is special,” I murmured, glancing her way.
A smile had lit up her face at something Gemma said, and I realized I badly wanted to taste it. I wanted to taste her happiness.
“We know,” Blake said softly, and I looked back at him.
His comments about vasectomies weren’t a surprise. I’d been reading things, but a part of me had hoped that his medical perspective would somehow counteract what I’d learned, tell me it would be fine, that it was a good idea.
“That’d be great if you could connect me,” I said anyway. “I’ve done some research using Theo’s university log-in—don’t tell him—but anything helps.”
Blake shook his head, his grin crooked. “Will do.”
It fell silent for a moment as the three of us sipped our drinks. Dad was on the lawn below, tending to the crackling flames of a campfire. A loon call echoed over the lake. Laughter trickled over the deck from the girls. And I wished I could fully sink into this moment, appreciate it for what it was, but my brain remained stuck in a loop, bouncing between thoughts of Eleanor and kids and risks and the future.
“Would you do it again?” I asked, wondering aloud.
When my brothers were silent, clearly not having followed my train of thought, I turned to Noah.
He raised a brow, understanding dawning. “Have another kid?”
I nodded, and Noah blew out a breath.
“Eventually,” he said after thinking for a long moment. “Gemma wants Delilah to have a sibling, and I do, too. But I’m glad she’s okay with waiting for a bit.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t bring Delilah,” I said, and then a thought struck me. “You didn’t do that because of…El and I, did you?”
Noah started to shake his head, but then it turned into a sort of indecisive bob. “It was a consideration, but no, not entirely. Gemma hates planes, and I didn’t like the idea of her having to navigate flying with a baby when I couldn’t be there to help because I had to be with the team. I know she had her sister, but still.”
“That makes sense,” I acknowledged. “And I supposed the Briggs didn’t mind helping.”
“No, not at all,” Noah answered. “They were thrilled to spend the weekend with her. I know Mom and Dad were sad we weren’t bringing her, but there will be other times.”
I nodded. “Ellie and I will have to plan a visit.”
“What’s next for you guys?” Blake asked. “Are you pretty much moving into Maple Street with her?”
“I don’t really know, to be honest,” I confessed, my eyes skirting over Eleanor. Always back to Eleanor. “There’s a lot we still need to figure out. I haven’t wanted to push too much onto her at once, and there’s no rush to make decisions. We can both work remotely, so we could stay here, or we could…go anywhere, I guess.”
“You could get a new job, too,” Noah muttered.
