“Yeah, and we talked…a little.”
“Talked?”
“Mom,” I warned, because I just didn’t think I could survive the prodding or the hopefulness. “Please don’t?—”
“Yes, yes, Iknow,” she cut in, sighing. “But it still baffles me beyond belief that the two of you would give up what you had together without fighting a little harder. And sure, maybe it is too late to marry her. But maybe it isn’t too late to be her friend. The two of you weresuchgood friends. It breaks my heart.”
I knew my mom was just trying to be supportive, but fuck me. She thoughtherheart was broken?
Mine had been in shambles for the last five years.
“I’m not Blake, Mom,” I drawled, running a hand through my hair. Same thing I’d been doing all day, which meant it was a mess. “I can’t just…be her friend for the next decade. It’s not that easy.”
“Okay, well.” I could hear her teetering on the edge of giving more advice before ultimately deciding to let it go. “Have a think about her moving into Maple Street and let me know if you’d be alright with it.”
“Oh, so Idohave a say in whether or not that happens.”
Ellie told me she wouldn’t move in if I wasn’t okay with it, but my mom had been talking like the plans had been made. Like she didn’t care what I thought about it all.
“Of course you do.” She sounded exasperated, as though I were being dramatic about this entire thing. As though Ishouldn’tbe feeling like my world was crashing down around me. “Our house on Maple was your home first, Sullivan. I care a great deal about Ellie, but you’re my son, and I want you to be comfortable with this. And Ellie wanted that, too. She wanted you to be okay with it.”
Ah, hell.
Closing my eyes, I tried not to picture what it would be like to see Ellie there, back on my front porch, surrounded by rose bushes.
Ourfront porch, really. For so many years, we shared that porch.
We sat on the rickety old swing together.
The front steps together, after school dances.
She’d sit on the railing, legs dangling, while I sat in the grass and flirted with her.
Taunted her to come down so I could kiss her.
Fuck me.
“It was always her home, too, Mom,” I said quietly, hating that I couldn’t let go of that reality. That I couldn’t say no. That I didn’t reallywantto, even if I should.
“It was,” she agreed, just as soft. “Look, honey. I’m not going to pretend to understand this bitterness between the two of you, but I want you both to be happy.”
I nodded. That seemed impossible for so many reasons, but it was a nice idea. Happiness.
Ellie and I had tried being far apart, tried to move on that way, and it clearly hadn’t worked. I mean, sure, maybe she was over me, but she hadn’t healed from me. That much was obvious from the way she could barely even look me in the eye.
Maybe if we tried being close, she could heal. Maybe she could be happy, even if I couldn’t imagine it would work for me; the concept of being near Ellie but not having her sounded a little like torture, actually. But maybe it would be good for one of us.
“She can move in,” I found myself saying.
And once the words were out, I couldn’t take them back.
“Great.” Mom soundeddelighted. “Can you swing by the house sometime this week, then?”
I made a face. “Why?”
“Your childhood bedroom still looks like an eighteen-year-old tornado tore through it. Can you maybe clean some of your junk out? I’m sure Ellie doesn’t want to be surrounded by your LEGO sets.”
OurLEGO sets, but sure, fine, whatever.
