“Well, Ididshow up at your mom’s house after a handful of years, decided to move into your childhood home, and announced I’m unexpectedly pregnant with your baby. So…are yousureI’m not your worst nightmare of an ex?”
“Yeah.” His eyes glittered, seeming to gleam with the reflection of the lake and the setting sun. “I’m pretty damn sure. You’re actually my favorite ex.”
“Because I’m your only ex?” I asked without thinking, and fuck, I sounded way too hopeful.
He pointed a lazy finger. “Bingo.”
The light in his gaze dimmed as he fell silent, and I realized maybe he thought it wasn’t the same for me.
“For the record, you’re my favorite and only ex, too.”
Sully pursed his lips like he didn’t believe me. His eyes averted, looking out the window.
“Sullivan.”
He sighed. “What?”
“Look at me.”
He did.
“You’re my only ex, too,” I repeated.
Sully held my gaze for a long moment before there was a twitch of his lips, a hint of a grin, and then finally, he nodded.
Almost as though he was saying words in his head I wasn’t allowed to hear yet.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
sully
DURING THE DRIVE FROM Winwood to the pharmacy, I thought about nothing but Ellie admitting I was her only ex. She was dismantling everything I’d been telling myself over the last several years, all my hopeless attempts to move on from her, and I didn’t know what to do about it.
I’d convinced myself she must be dating. When she was in her graduate classes at MIT, I told myself she’d probably find another nerd like me, someone else who could talk to her about all our favorite things, someone else who would sit and stare at her pretty side profile while she playedAnimal Crossing, who’d pick apart scenes in Reylo fanfiction, who’d understand the same level of code that she did.
I told myself that she’d probably find someone better than me. I braced myself for the possibility that one day I’d call my sister, and she’d tell me that Ellie was engaged. That she really was going to have a future different than what we’d always talked about.
Even after she told me she was pregnant and then convinced me there had been no one else, that this baby wasmine, I’d assumed she was talking short term. I’d assumed she meant she hadn’t been with anyone else this summer, hadn’tdated anyone else recently. I hadn’t dared to believe beyond that.
Over the years, Natalie never gave me any updates about Ellie or her dating life, and because, like Ellie, I didn’t want her to become a middleman, I never asked for confirmation. I just let my brain spin stories instead.
Because I knew hope was dangerous.
Hope is dangerous, I reminded myself as I drove Ellie to the pharmacy.
And yet, I was feeling it in abundance.
“You really haven’t dated anyone else?” I asked, becausefuck, I needed to know more. It would either feed the hope or dispel it, and I wasn’t sure which was worse, but it didn’t matter because Ineededto know.
The car had been quiet since we left the park, and Ellie cleared her throat before answering me.
“I went on dates,” she said, and there was a sickening twist in my gut. Images of Ellie sitting across from faceless men entered my mind, and Ihatedall of them. “But I’ve never seriously dated anyone, no.”
“Casually dated anyone?”
I knew my line of questioning would probably hurt me in the end, but I couldn’t help myself.
“I never made it past a first date with a guy,” Ellie said, and hope surged. Silly, foolish hope. “They were never…”
