“Anyway, Sam never liked the dude, said he had bad vibes. That she’d ‘heard some things’ around town about him. Tried her best to warn me off from the jump, but back then, I dunno. I was going through something, I guess. Too much anger and nowhere to put it, and this guy was good for blowing off steam. We’d create some ink, and then we’d party hard. There’s a related story somewhere in here about the tat on my forearm and a drunken night where I inked it on myself, but we’ll have to circle back, ’cause that’s so not the point.”
Link coughs into the elbow not hooked around Ashton’s neck before clearing his throat, and Ashton recognizes a stall tactic when he sees one. He doesn’t say anything, though, and eventually, Link continues.
“Lawless was the guy’s name. Probably should’ve been a red flag right there, to be honest, but I wasn’t the healthiest back then, and maybe trouble was something I thought I wanted. I was a mess, all over the place—restless, just got dumped by a chick who didn’t like my ‘gay smut,’ hurt my ego and my feelings all in one. Because of that, I was in a rut with writing, my publisher was up my ass, deadlines were coming and going without me. Sam was pissy, Soul Survivor’s client list was down and so were our sponsors—everything was frustrating the hell out of me, and I was dealing with it… uh, let’s just say ‘badly’.”
Link sniffs a little, prompting Ashton to snuggle closer. He slides a hand toward the middle of Link's chest in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture. From the way Link's arm tightens around him, the intent seems to be received.
“I won’t judge you,” Ashton reminds him softly, when the silence drags on for a bit too long.
“I know,” Link replies quickly—a littletooquickly—but then he’s sighing, nodding, and pressing another kiss to the top of Ashton’s head. “Right. So, I wasdealing with itby going out and partying, basically. Tattooing tipsy, getting blackout drunk, high, you get the idea. Whatever Lawless had on tap, I was down. Thought I was invincible, but really, I was just out of control. I was ditching work, acting like an idiot, starting fights, running all over the country from one party to the next with Lawless and his boys. Letting him… letting him do all kinds of degrading shit to me, whenever he felt like it.”
Link makes a disgruntled, disgusted noise. “The worst part is, I liked a bunch of that degrading shit a lot more than I should have.”
When he pauses this time, Ashton’s ready, cupping the side of Link's face to draw him in and kiss him sweetly.I’m not judging you,he thinks, sensing that Link wouldn’t want to hear it but hoping that he understands.Ashton does his best to pour the affection he feels for Link into his touch, and it’s a relief when Link sighs against him, shuddering a little.
“I think you’re more ashamed of that last part than you need to be,” Ashton says gently.
“Thank you, sweetheart,” Link says softly, before continuing. “So, I guess things got pretty bad. I wasn’t showing up or answering phone calls, to the point where Sam did some light hacking to track me down, barged in on where we were partying. Tried to throw hands and drag me away, which didn’t work out so hot for anyone. She’s stronger than she looks, but it was like, ten against one. I’ll spare you the details, but I’m seriously lucky she didn’t decide to hate me forever.
“Eventually, after some pretty nasty nights and worse mornings, I saw the light. Wanted out and told Lawless as much. I guess he and Whit had some similar ideas about tattoos and ownership, or maybe just revenge. Unfortunately for me, Lawless wasn’t half as fucking subtle. Looking back, I think maybe he thought he was doing me a favor, I don’t know.”
Link groans and drags a hand over his face, shaking his head behind it, clearly embarrassed. This time, Ashton keeps quiet, giving him space to process his thoughts. “Lawless had these like,bigfuckin’ dogs he brought everywhere with him,” Link says. “Bars, grocery stores, concerts—laws, rules, public decency didn’t seem to matter. They were giant, slobbery things that looked like hell on wheels, between the teeth and the paws the size of a toddler’s head. Growly, sometimes, but give ’em a treat and they were big, dopey babies.
“Lawless treated them like shit, though. Not abusive, exactly. Didn’t hit ’em or make ’em fight, always kept ’em fed and never left them out in the cold, but he made itreallydamn clear that they were justdogs.You know what I mean? Not something to be appreciated or loved, just a dog, an animal to sit at his feet. Whole thing never sat exactly right with me, but so long as he wasn’t being cruel...” Link shrugs, and then adds almost sheepishly, “plus, they did get plenty of love, just not from him. Nothin’ better than a giant dog to curl up with when you’re drunk and lonely.
“Anyway, those slobbery monsters were a great example of how Lawless viewed everything, everyonein his orbit. As possessions, assets. Things to prop up his image, to make him look however he wanted to look at whatever given moment. Maybe even to be used, traded to get something better. Stupid, but I never realized until it waswaytoo late that the ‘possession’ mentality included me, too.
“To make a long story short, Lawless talked me into getting wasted—you know, ‘one last party, for old time’s sake,’ or whatever. I guess he was sipping water, plus I figured out later he slipped me a piece of a ’shroom bar. Once I was seeing stars, he broke out his pen and tattooed Violet, his favorite dog, on my thigh.”
Ashton can’t help but inhale sharply at the revelation, even though he strongly suspected that a twist like this was coming.
“All that, just to remind me of my place. To send the message thatIwas a dog, his dog. That I belonged to him, or something equally stupid. As if I was ever going to buy into that over some ink. Obviously, he never really knew me at all, because the second I woke up and put two plus two together, I did the exact opposite.”
Link tucks a hand behind his head and gives a small, humorless chuckle. “Just—remember what I said about being a mess when I tell you the next part, ’cause I’m not advocating violence, here.”
“Go on, what did you do?”
“I punched him in his smarmy face, stole his car, and ditched it in a lake. Called a friend at the Humane Society—Remy, you know Remy, from the convention? The dude who did the live demo with Sam at the con?”
“The blooming roses?”
“That’s the one. So Remy has his own past with Lawless, and he knew about my… ongoing situation from Sam, so trust me when I say that he didn’t need half a reason to ruin Lawless’s day. Next morning, Animal Control went and took possession of his dogs. Happy to report that these days, Violet and her friends are running free and happy at our friends’ farm two counties over, and the girls have no qualms about sharing their Cal King with a bunch of drooling oafs. So I guess it all worked out.”
It’s clear that Link tacked on an ending he hoped would lighten the story and steer the focus away from him, but Ashton sees straight through it. “Oh, Link,” he murmurs, the grip he has around Link's waist tightening. “That is truly horrific. I’m so sorry you went through that.”
Ashton knows that he doesn’t have to elaborate. It would be redundant—Link is telling him this story because he already knows that the reaction will be one of understanding and empathy. Ashton appreciates the trust, the way that Link is letting him peek behind the curtain of a life event that helped shape and mold him into who the man is today.This is clearly a very painful, humiliating memory, but he shared it anyway.
For the first time since Whitaker did what he did, Ashton finds himself thetiniestbit grateful. Not that it happened, necessarily, but that the experience changed him into someone who can both understand and relate to Link's pain, hisfury,in the most base and visceral way. It’s possible they wouldn’t be here right now if either of them had managed to escape their fate—and perhapsthatis the real twist.
Abruptly, Link rolls over to face him again, eyes sparkling, and Ashton wonders—however inappropriately-timed the thought may be—how anyone could possibly besobeautiful, even in the hazy dark.
“Thing is though, yeah, it pissed me off,” Link says, “Yeah, I moped around for a good long while, stewing about it. But then Ididsomething to channel that shit. All the anger I wished I could aim in Lawless’s direction? I poured it into my books. Into Dean and Violet, into theplot,expanding the story until it started to unfold into the one you know now.”
“That’s admirable, Link,” Ashton says, and means it.
“A redemptive arc for Violet, where everybody discovers that her master—the character based on Lawless, in case you hadn’t guessed—is the real villain. That no matter what Violetlookslike, or how she acts before someone gives a shit about her, she’s only misunderstood. She gets to be the unsung hero, and Dean gets a friend.”
“And you get to not hate what you’re wearing on your own skin,” Ashton adds, appreciative.
