“Hi, sweetheart,” Poppy coos at her.
I stand there, watching, for a second too long.
And just like that—guilt. It creeps in before I can shut the door on it. Because yeah, she’s a huge pain in my ass but… she’s also trying. Working late. Fixing the things that go wrong. Carrying more weight than anyone sees. All for my brother and Ivy.
I exhale through my nose and head back inside, ignoring the discomfort sitting in my chest.
I grab a glass of water, return to the dining room table, and open my laptop.
My Reddit post has blown up.
There are already over 400 comments.
I scroll for a second.
[ThrowawayWife27]: Dude. She sounds like sunshine and goats are cute. You sound like you need a nap.
I frown.
That’s… an aggressive take.
[BreadOnPurpose]: You let hermovein,run awedding, and burn scented candles. You’re not the asshole. You’re married.
[lemonlawyer]: Not the Asshole. You are allowed to not live in a rom-com. That said… is she single?
[CozyChaosQueen]: She sings to the goat?! I LOVE HER. Invite me to this wedding.
[legalbeagle96]:OP left out whether he’s developed feelings. I feel like the goat knows.
[salty_but_sweet]: You’re the asshole—if you kick her out before at least ONE unresolved sexual tension argument over cake forks.
[lilmuffy96]: Wait. Is this the guy with the thunder vest dog? I’ve been following that saga on r/dogfree. Small world.
[BagelDad]: As someone who has literally been pooped on by a goat at a winery wedding, I feel you. But also? You’re totally gonna fall in love with her.
[NotMyMothersDaughter]: OP, be honest: have youeverbought a woman flowers? You sound a little high-strung. Let the goat soften you.
[gayunclesrevenge]: Sir, you are not asking if you’re the asshole. You’re asking if it’s okay to be in love with a woman who smells like vanilla and organizes for a living. Yes. It’s okay.
I groan.
This is why we don’t trust the internet.
I click through a few more, scanning responses filled with goat puns, wildly incorrect assumptions, and at least one person suggesting I’m repressing deep romantic feelings I’m afraid to confront.
Okay,first ofall—no.
Second of all… hell no.
Muffin settles in under the table, totally unfazed.
Typical.
[twoglassrosé]: Plot twist: the goat is the officiant and you’re the groom. I’ve seen this movie before.
[saltyfrombirth]: You listed “sings while she works” like it’s a crime. Sir, this is not a villain origin story. This isforeplay.
“I’m not the villain here,” I say to no one.
