I tell myself I’m protecting her. That there’s no point in worrying her until something is definite. That she has her own life, her own job, her ownproblems to deal with.
But the truth is, I’m scared.
I’m scared that if I tell her, she’ll realize this isn’t worth it. That I’m not worth it. That she signed up for a fake relationship with a hockey player to keep the guys off her back, not a real relationship with a man whose entire future is uncertain.
I’m scared that she’ll leave.
Everyone leaves. That’s what I learned a long time ago. People leave when things get hard. People leave when you need them most. People leave, and then you’re left standing in the wreckage, wondering what you did wrong.
I can’t watch Winnie leave.
So I keep my mouth shut. I smile when I’m supposed to smile. I text goodnight like everything is normal.
And I fall apart a little more each day.
It’s ten PM when my phone rings.
I’m not asleep—haven’t been sleeping much at all lately—so I see Winnie’s name light up the screen immediately.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” Her voice is soft, sleepy. “Did I wake you?”
“No.”
“Liar.” A pause. “I couldn’t sleep. Kept thinking about you.”
My chest aches. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Another pause, longer this time. “Banks, what’s going on? And don’t say ‘nothing.’ I know something’s wrong. You’ve been pulling away all week.”
I close my eyes. The truth is right there, on the tip of my tongue.
I might be getting traded. I might have to leave. I might lose everything.
“I’m just stressed,” I say instead. “Work stuff. It’s not a big deal.”
“It feels like a big deal. You feel far away, even when we’re talking.”
“I’m right here.”
“Are you?”
The question hangs in the air. I don’t have an answer.
“I’m sorry,” I say finally. “I know I’ve been weird. I just need to get through this week, and then—”
“Then what?”
Then I’ll know if I’m staying or going. Then I’ll know if there’s any point in fighting for this.
“Then things will be better,” I finish. “I promise.”
She’s quiet for a long moment. When she speaks again, her voice is careful. Measured.
“Okay. I trust you.” A breath. “But Banks? When you’re ready to talk—I want you to know—I’m here. Whatever it is, we can figure it out together.”
Together. Like it’s that simple.
