Callum hummed. “All right. But is that actually why you’re so angry?”
I sucked in a heavy breath, releasing it in one sharp puff. Honestly, I didn’t know what the hell I was angry about. Yes, Lena had a right to keep painful revelations to herself in a marriage that was meant to be temporary. Yes, it hurt that she hadn’t trusted me with the truth when we’d gotten closer. Both of those things could be true at the same time. And there was more there, too, more feelings coursing through me that left my insides twisted into knots, because now I couldn’t help wondering if I knew Lena at all.
She knew absolutely everything about me. My life was an open book that she organized and scheduled down to the minute. She’d watched my engagement with Narissa blow up, she knew which deals Kincaid Energy was going after, she knew what size my goddamn boxers were because she placed the orders from Zimmerli.
And what the hell did I know about her? After today, it felt like very little. The Lena I thought I knew, the one that existed in my head, was just a shell. A neatly made-up shell that was smart and efficient and wasn’t afraid to be blunt with me when she thought I’d gone too far. But the real person underneath all that, the one with thoughts and feelings and fears of her own…She’d never really let me meet her, had she?
Despite these past few months, despite taking my last name and getting into bed with me again and again, she’d never stopped being my assistant. She gave just enough of herself to me to make me think we were building something. But that wasn’t the real her. It wasn’tallof her.
I bit down on my lip to keep the ache in my chest at bay. How could I be with a woman I barely knew? How could I be so foolish as to let myself fall for her when she was simply doing her job?
I thought a couple was supposed to support each other through the hard times, cherish the difficult parts, soothe the hurt and heartache. When faced with a challenge, we were supposed to tackle it together, but Lena hadn’t trusted me with the more vulnerable parts of herself.
But that was never her intent. If Lena was so insistent on cutting this off at the six-month mark, then so be it. I’d sort out Jasper and his contesting of the will, and as soon as that was settled,I’d give Lena the freedom she wanted. Because she clearly wasn’t invested in me the way I’d been invested in her.
To her, I was a job.
And maybe that was for the best. I needed to snuff out this spark of passion for her because I’d always known that kind of love had no place in my life. Too many complications. Too many chances to hurt each other.
That kind of love would ruin me.
“You’re brooding,” Callum said. “And that’s not a good thing. You’ll get turned around if you spend too much time wading through the gunk that’s mucking up your head.”
“I trusted her with everything,” I said, fingers balancing where they gripped Arran’s fence. “My life. My hopes. My dreams.My feelings. And she trusted me with nothing.”
“That’s not true,” Callum said. “If she didn’t trust you, she never would have gotten on that plane and followed you out here.”
I snorted. She’d followed me out here because I’d held grad school and her dream job out to her on a silver platter. I’d already offered her what she’d wanted most. And that wasn’t building a life with me. I’d lost sight of that.
“Is it truly such an unforgivable thing?” Callum asked. “That she didn’t tell you?”
“Feels like it,” I said. Because how could we be together if something as fundamental as trust wasn’t there? Maybe love was too messy to build anything solid on, but trust? Trust could have carried us through.
“You’re being as stubborn as Bonnie.”
I snorted. “Well, maybe Bonnie has the right idea. I was starting to…feel things I promised I’d never let myself feel when it came to a relationship.”
“You were falling in love,” Callum said softly.
The word sounded so strange. So foreign. I hadn’t ever intended to cross that line, but he was right. I hadn’t just beenfallingfor Lena.
I’d fallen.
And love only ever ended in messy heartache. My parents had shown me how painful and destructive love was when it ended. Once Narissa had decided she was in love with me, the only side of her I ever saw was the ugliness with the petty jealousies and unreasonable demands. I knew with her that I wasn’t prepared to endure that, and it was the same with Lena, so the sooner I got out, the better.
“Doesn’t matter now,” I said, straightening up and dusting my hands on my pants. “If I can’t trust her, then it’s better this thing comes to an end now. I already have enough of a mess to wade through with Jasper. There’s no point in trying to fix things with Lena when that relationship has already gotten messy too.”
“So what if it’s a mess?” Callum said, huffing a laugh. “Love’s always messy. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth fighting for.”
I shook my head, refusing to believe him.
“Don’t be daft. Nothing is easy when your heart’s on the line,” Callum said.
“I’m not putting my heart on the line,” I said with finality. With certainty. I couldn’t trust Lena to share the important things with me, and she clearly didn’t trust me with what mattered.So whatever we’d had, whatever we were…it was over now. “I’m done.”
25
LENA
