My dear children??? Your dad is pissing me off. I need for one of you to speak to him before I KNOCK HIS HEAD!!
I decided to take the bait and ask what had happened; nothing wrong with squeezing in a little last-minute family drama before heading back to the office.
Lol Mum, what’s happened now?
The fact that Mum was texting me in the middle of her workday was a clear sign that she was furious. She had a prestigious job – Senior Client Service Officer at Coutts Bank, no less – and would never normally call or text during work hours unless it was something incredibly urgent or wild. Whathad Dad done now? I had assumed that my little chat with him last week would have settled things down, but fucking alas!
As I made myself a coffee to go, I received a flurry of notifications in the group chat:
Steve: Oh ffs. What’s he done now? I’m at work at the moment so if I don’t respond immediately, that’s why.
Mummy: He’s been sending me angry text messages all evening and morning. Asking me to leave Femi … asking if we can catch up and have a conversation … he’s saying he’s a changed man and all of these things. I’m so tired of this. Why can’t he just leave me alone?
I read the messages and shook my head, annoyed – not just at my dad’s petulance towards my mum, but at her insistence that we, as her children, be fully aware of all the chaos. As African kids, we weren’t usually meant to be tangled up in grown folks’ business like this. But as I got older, I realised I was increasingly stepping into a role that felt more like parenting my own parents. Didn’t they have friends or other relatives to confide in? I couldn’t shake the feeling that I knew too much about their private lives – about things that were never meant to be my burden.
I sighed as I made my way back towards the office to relieve Kofi as he took his lunch. Kofi had come into work looking casket sharp – he seemed to have had his hair and beard trimmed up cleanly, and had come to work wearing a seemingly fresh pair of dark-brown slacks – complete with what looked like a dark-grey Thom Browne sweater with its signature four white stripes down the left arm. He had drenched himself in some kind of amber- or clove-scented fragrance that took up the whole office, and for the first time ever, it looked as if his hands and lips were moisturised. I was impressed.
As Kofi made his way to go to lunch, I couldn’t help but make a playful dig:
‘Thom Browne, you know. I didn’t know we were doingthatin this economy? We love to see it!’
Kofi laughed and straightened his sweater, ending with a silly pose, showing off his biceps.
‘It’s not my fault thatsomeof us can afford designer, babes. Well … sixty per cent off on The Outnet actually. You either have it or you don’t, and as you know, I’ve got a hot date tonight, so …’ he replied, sassy as ever as he left the office.
After sending out a few emails and attending a couple of scheduled meetings with two of my consultants, I briefly opened the message group to catch up on the latest family drama.
Steven: Mum, just block him, man. There isn’t much we can do at this point.
Mummy: Can you not talk to him??
Steven: No disrespect, Mum, but it’s not for me to do. Bianca is due really soon so I’ve got my hands full with that and doing final bits for the spare bedroom, innit. Sorry.
Mummy: Wow. OK. I rarely ask you for help and the one time I beg you, you say this? I see.
Steven: …?
Mummy: @Cassandra??
Oh Lord.
As I geared up to type a diplomatic response, I received a separate, private message from Steven:
Cassie, wtf, man? Is she serious? Why is she crashing out on me like that? I really can’t be bothered with them two, I can’t lie.
I groaned. Steven had a lot on his plate as it was without having to play mediator to our parents’ issues too. I felt forhim, but as the oldest sibling, I knew that ultimately it would be down to me to somehow try and fix things between Mum and Dad. Either that, or find a way to let them both know that they were old enough to sort their issues out themselves and to leave the kids out of their post-marital woes. I didn’t fancy choosing the second option at present.
I replied back, trying to play peacemaker:
I hear you, bro. I think she’s just a bit stressed with her and Femi having to plan the wedding in a few months and stuff. She shouldn’t have said what she said to you; it’s quite unfair and a bit manipulative tbh. You and Bianca have your own things to be worrying about at the moment!!
I switched back to the main chat and wrote my response:
Cassandra: Hey Mum. I’m at work at the moment so I’m not that free to talk, but I agree with Steve. Just block him. I’m not sure why you haven’t already. Also, Steve is right; he’s having a baby next month. I didn’t think it was fair for you to say what you said above to him, but I’ll call you later, OK?
A swift text back read:
Mummy: Wow. I see. All right.
