‘Well, to play devil’s advocate, I would see it as investing in your happiness and in things that bring you joy,’ Sade said eventually. ‘Instead of spending three hundred pounds on a pair of sunglasses or a new bag, you’re spending it on your emotional and – dare I say at some point – sexual wellbeing. The way I see it is, why have money if we can’t spend it on the things that make us feel good? We spend our lives savingup in order to have security when we get older, which I get, but while we’re doing that, a lot of us forget to have fun and actually cultivate experiences that bring joy!
‘One day, Cassie, you’re gonna look back at this moment in your life while with your grandkids and you’re going to be able to tell them that back in the day, you were a bit of a hussy playing it fast and loose, getting your back blown out and all sorts. Isn’t that what we all want, at the end of the day?’
I never understood why Sade refused to go into politics. She could sell sand to the Sahara Desert. And she was absolutely right. Life was for living, not for waiting around. I deserved to have as much fun and feelings of spontaneity as I could before getting older and having to be more responsible.
‘When it comes to you and your advocacy for the devil, you really give Greta Thunberg a run for her money you know,’ I replied, newly emboldened and empowered by my best friend’s speech.
Sade went home a few moments later, leaving me to deal with the situation in myOuiMeetapp. I’d purposely refrained from opening Theo’s message there and then as I wanted a little treat for myself to open before going to bed. I entered my bedroom, seeing Toby soundly snoozing on my side of the bed. I hunched up beside him on the opposite side, donned my bonnet and opened the app. There were two messages waiting for me:
Cassandra, I hope you had a wonderful time the other night. I sure did. I’d be lying if I said you didn’t make an impression on me, especially in the car. You’re an amazing kisser, by the way. Speaking of cars, I was able to pick up my car eventually. I hope you’re having a wonderful evening. T x
The next message seemed to have come through a couple of minutes after the first one:
I haven’t had someone make me feel like that for a while, actually. You’re a cold piece of work, Miss Cassie. :)
The fact that he felt the need to send a follow-up message was important here. It meant that I’d left something of an impression on him. I smiled to myself as I read the messages back. What was my next move? In my head, the natural progression would be for us to sleep together at some point, right? As someone in the sex worker business, surely he wouldn’t be surprised if I were to book that in? My quest to continue seeing him, but to not pay for it, was under way, but I didn’t want to press that issue on him again.
When he’d mentioned that other clients had tried to do the same thing to him, it did make me feel a little bad. After all, I’ve always been keen to support independent Black businesses; it wouldn’t feel fair if I cheated him out of his wages by seeing him outside of theOuiMeetapp. But on the other hand, if he started developing feelings for me, who was I to say no?
I typed back:
Evening, Theo. :) I’m glad you were able to get your car back in one piece! Praytell, how exactly did I make you feel?
It felt like a game of cat and mouse, and at the moment I wasn’t sure if I was the cat or the mouse. I spent the next twenty-five minutes reading and scrolling through TikTok, laughing at memes before I got another notification fromOuiMeet –Theo had responded:
Evening, Cassandra. :) If you’d like to know how you made me feel, you know what you need to do. :) My menu is on my profile. Sleep well. :) x
Shit.
And to think I assumed that I was slowly reeling him in. Iwent onto his profile to remind myself of his ‘menu’. I knew I absolutely wanted to see him again, but for what? What could I possibly do to get him to forgo the app so we could see each other more regularly? I knew that he was into me; I knew that much. But I just needed something to tip me over the edge, and my personality could only get me so far. What if I—?
I scrolled back onto his menu to check out my options again.
Overnight stay – £600.
Six hundred pounds. I needed to find a way to justify the cost to myself. On one hand, I could see it as an investment. Like Sade had said earlier (I could really use her right about now), we only had one life to live, and if there was any time to live a bit spontaneously, it would be now. I could make the money back eventually, after all.
My heart raced as my finger paused over the ‘book’ button. I’d need to root through my drawers to find the cutest lingerie at my disposal. I knew that if I chose that option, I’d have to put it on him, hard; really unleash my inner sexual prowess and utilise all the skills at my disposal to make him become enamoured with me.
I quickly scrolled from theOuiMeetapp to my banking app, transferred £600 from my savings account to my current account and hopped back intoOuiMeetagain, hovering over the ‘book’ button. I was making the right decision; I was sure of it. It was an investment in my happiness after all. I was in charge. I was taking control of my joy, and what was that, if not empowering.
I clicked the ‘book’ button, which took me to his calendar and a list of times. The only availability he had for the next few weeks were on Fridays and over the weekend, no doubt due to his day job taking up time, I assumed. He had availability thisupcoming Friday and weekend as it stood. Was it too soon? I thought back to our encounter in the car and how the passion and heat exchanged between us was undeniable. I needed more of that. I deserved it, and if this is what it took, then so be it. I made the appointment for Friday night, put in my bank details, and made the booking. After getting the confirmation email, I lay back in bed, nervous, but ultimately content and satisfied in my decision. As long as I kept telling myself that what I was doing was empowering, I had no reason to feel shame.
Damn. Maybe I was the mouse after all.
Chapter 12
The next day, as suspected, a new message notification fromOuiMeetgreeted me as I got ready for work. For some reason, I had a tiny bit of anxiety about reading it. What if Theo had rejected the booking? What if, instead, he wanted to take things slower, and have us go on a couple more wholesome dates before approaching that step? I waited till I was on the bus before I opened the message, slightly holding my breath as I did so. This time, the message came with an attachment.
Cassandra, I feel very honoured that you like the pleasure of my company, obviously I wasn’t the only one that felt something the other night. :) I’ll be honest in saying that when I received the email and your username came up on the booking, I got a little excited. Thank you for booking the overnight stay with me; I can’t wait to spend more time with you, you gorgeous human. Attached are my recent sexual health results for your peace of mind.
I exhaled a sigh of relief as I read the message back a few times. It was happening; it was actually happening. I had paid for sex, and in just a few days, it would finally happen. I’d expected to feel shame, but instead, all I felt was empowerment and pure bad-bitch energy. Sex work wasn’t just a man’s domain any more – women could claim that power too. We had theright to take control of our own sex lives, free from stigma and shame. I also noted that he’d attached his recent STI results; I didn’t even want to begin to think about how many people he had slept with – or how often he was sleeping with clients in order for him to have an up-to-date test result. If I dwelled on it too much, I feared I might talk myself out of it. That was a worry for another day, as far as I was concerned.
I messaged back, smiling as my stomach began to bubble with excitement. I was actually going through with it! I decided to tease him a little:
Hi Theo. I’m looking forward to it too! Although I’m a little confused as to why you sent over your STI results? My plan was for us to stay up all night playing Monopoly and Cards Against Humanity. Maybe even do each other’s hair at some point. Unless you had something else in mind? Please advise x
A stop before getting off at my bus stop, Theo returned the message:
