‘Yup. Like, this is purely a sex thing right? Like a “friends with benefits” type thing? I just think it would be good to know where we’re both at. For clarity.’
Theo’s face was unreadable. He paused for a while, staring deeply into my eyes, his face neutral the whole time. After what seemed like two minutes of silence, he finally spoke.
‘I mean. I suppose, if that’s what you want it to be, Cassie.’ His face again showing no traces of emotion.
‘Isn’t that what this is, though? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy you, I really do. I think this little thing we have going on is really fun and I love spending time with you but I just wanted to be clear that that’s all it is – fun. Right?’
‘Right,’ he said, laying his head back on the pillow as he softly played with my hair. I might have been wrong, but he almost looked a little disappointed. My assumptions proved to be correct a moment later.
‘I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like you a little, to be honest, Cassie,’ he said at last, sitting up in bed. I sat up too, slowly, my stomach doing that annoying little flip it does when things are about to get real.
So this was happening. The Talk™. I’d only known him for two months.
To be fair, a part of me had clocked it ages ago; probably right around the time he stopped charging me and we started hanging out like two people who actuallylikedeach other. But did I acknowledge it? Absolutely not. I shoved that realisation into a mental drawer labelled ‘Deal With Later’ and slammed it shut. I guess it was better to have the conversation now and just get it over and done with. He continued on.
‘I know we haven’t known each other that long,’ he began, his voice steady but careful, ‘but over the past few weeks, I’ve found myself drawn to you, more than I expected. And not just in a sexual way. It’s … something about your energy. Being around you just feels good. Easy. There’s this pull I can’t really explain. You kinda broke through all my boundaries and I wasn’t mad at it.’
He paused for a moment, eyes searching mine.
‘That said, if you’d prefer to keep things strictly transactional, I’ll have to respect that. Whatever you decide, I’m good with it.’
There was a flicker of sadness in his eyes that tugged at something deep in me. I hadn’t realised this was how he truly felt. And if I’m honest, a part of me was frustrated – frustrated that I couldn’t meet him there, not yet.
I mean, here I was: completely naked in bed with a fine-as-fuck, successful younger guy who’d just opened up and admitted he was slowly falling for me. And what was I thinking about? My family. What they’d say if they ever found out what he actually did for a living.
The truth is, I did have feelings for him – maybe not fully formed, but they were there, lingering at the edges. Still, in the name of self-preservation – and avoiding any potential scandal – I knew I had to keep things light and easy.
And at that moment, I hated myself a little for it.
I caressed his cheek slowly, wanting him to feel heard and seen – the last thing I ever wanted to do was dismiss his feelings at this moment.
‘Thank you for telling me and I appreciate you respecting my current stance on things. Would this mean I’d need to go back to booking you formally for things, moving forward?’
‘Yeah, it would,’ he stated, now getting out of bed and putting on his clothes. ‘I’m not leaving because of this conversation, by the way – like I said, I respect what you have going on. I just have another home appointment with a client soon.’
For some reason, that admission landed hard – like a slap I didn’t see coming. It was the first time he’d mentioned seeing another client in front of me since I’d asked about it a few weeks ago. The way he said it felt intentional, almost like hewanteda reaction – as if he was trying to make me jealous. But instead of stirring up any kind of desire, it just turned me off completely.
If anything, it gave me the ick.
‘OK …? Well, I hope your next appointment goessmoothly, I guess,’ I said in response, covering my body with my duvet. ‘I suppose I’ll see you another time?’
Theo finished getting dressed, walked over to the bed, and pressed a light kiss to my forehead. As he walked towards the door, I could see that he was clenching his jaw. Was he really upset? Was he … expecting things to develop into something more serious? No. I couldn’t allow myself to assume that. Not when he was still seeing other clients.
‘Sure. You know what to do. Have a great rest of the day.’
And just like that, he turned on his heel and left.
I sat there in silence, more agitated than anything. I could understand that he probably felt a little bruised by the rejection – he didn’t exactly strike me as someone who was used to hearing ‘no’. But the way he had left, so abruptly and coldly, left a bitter taste in my mouth.
Still, I didn’t want to throw away the connection we’d built. The chemistry was undeniable, and he was, objectively, a phenomenal lover. So yeah, I figured I’d probably book him again when the mood struck – hopefully by then, his ego would’ve made a full recovery.
‘You’re actually a witch, you know?’ Sade blasted at me on the phone after I let her know everything that had gone down between Theo and me earlier. ‘WHY ON EARTH would you say that to him? You literally were on the cusp of potentially dating this fine-ass younger man who’s been dicking you down several times a week, only to fuck it all up, for what reason? Have I taught you nothing, child?’
I had been expecting this reaction; and if I had had the guts to look at this situation externally, I’d probably be mad at myself too.
‘Oh, Sade please, I kinda feel bad enough as it is. Imagine I take him to my parents and they start probing him withquestions? I wouldn’t want him to lie about what he did. Also, what if someone recognised him from the website? And another thing, he’s still sleeping with his clients alongside me, so it’s like … it was never really set up to last on a deeper level, was it?’
‘Oh my God, you’re acting as if you guys were about to get married. Why would you be introducing him to your parents already? It wouldn’t have needed to even go that far! But I didn’t know he was still sleeping with the other women – you sure he’s been using protection, yeah?’
