But I couldn’t.
I rose above the surface with an audible gasp of air. I clutched the sideof the tub, the cool air hitting my cheeks like death itself had spat me back out.
Gripping the curled edge of the tub, my fingers touched the steel of the last of my blades. The last spot Derek never suspected.
Using my big toe, I shut the water off.
God, why was I this stupid? I let my life fall apart for a man who said he wanted me then bailed. Who fucking cares? Fuck him. Graham made his decision. He didn’t want me. No one did, unless I cursed them into it.
Blowing out a long breath, I brought the blade to my wrist and pressed down, the first cut stung. But then the coolness of the blade almost felt like relief. Like everything might be okay. I stared at the place where it had touched my skin. Hot and cold at the same time. Painful, yet numb. Everything and somehow nothing.
Two more slices.
Then a final.
Leaning back in the tub, I held my arms out over the edge and let the blade fall. As soon as it hit the tile, Hunter was pounding at the door, like the first cut was enough to rip him from his sleep.
I didn’t answer, just stared out the window, watching the moonlight cast a silver-blue light over the entire bathroom, swallowing the shadows like twilight.
I didn’t want him to find me like this. I wanted to be alone. But I also wanted to have something to hold onto. A warm body. Someone that cared.
With each pound of Hunter’s fist, time slowed. My heartbeat became irregular—heavy.
“Maggie, you in there?” he asked, his voice fraying at the edges. “Open the door.”
My eyes grew heavier the longer I stayed in the tub. Not from the loss of blood necessarily—I didn’t cut that deep. But from the release I felt the moment the blade hit my skin. It was like the tiniest corner of the curse had cracked and had the loudest voice in the room. It always felt like that. It consumed my every thought. That was why I’d become sure that my death would solve it all—why it hurt so much. I didn’t want to die. Not really. But the necessity of it made it harder. The realization that I’d have to say goodbye to the people I’d grown to love in the past few months waswhat kept me from completing the process. Again, selfish—I know. I should’ve just cut deep and ended it all, but deep inside there was something else I was holding onto.
If I let Hunter go… If I broke the curse… that meant I had to face the possibility that there may never be another person out there for me. That weight alone made breathing unbearable.
“Maggie!” The door rattled against the hinges. “Maggie, don’t do this!”
Another deep breath, and I let the water consume me again, but it was short-lived because Hunter scooped me up and pulled me from the tub. He sat us on the floor and I withered into him.
“God,mo chróí, don’t do that. Are you alright?”
My body had physically checked out. I couldn’t answer him, so I just stared into nothing, letting the darkness swallow me whole.
Hunter grabbed my arms and looked me over, inspecting my still-bleeding wounds, the color draining from his face. “You can’t keep doing this.” He snatched a washcloth from the shelf and held it to my wrist, panic lacing every word. “One of these times, you’ll hit something important and you’ll be gone. I can’t handle that. I need you.”
A moment passed, and then Derek entered the bathroom. Seeing him crash to his knees to inspect the damage knocked me back into my senses.
“Mags, you okay?” he asked with a tightness in his voice.
I reached for him, collapsing into his arms, sobbing. “Derek, I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice weak.
“Shhh—it’ll be okay... It won’t last forever.” Derek pulled me into him. I breathed in his juniper laundry soap—the one we’d joked was strong enough to strip the gaming funk he’d built up from a week-long Assassin’s Creed binge—and let the calm wash over me.
“Thanks for coming, mate. She never responds when I find her like this.”
“I know, I’ll take care of it,” Derek said, low enough that I wasn’t supposed to hear.
“Hey, Derek?” Hunter touched his arm. “I’m going to head out if that’s alright,” he whispered.
“No, go ahead. I’ll stay ‘tilyou’re back.”
“Thanks.” Hunter swallowed.
Hunter kissed my forehead and left before Derek could look at me. “I love you, pretty thing.”
