“Oh, come on, dear, you’ve got more brains in that little head than you give yourself credit for.”
“Do we really have to discuss my fuck-ups right now? I’m kind of overwhelmed by them.”
He floated, staring at me, a face of concern and care wrinkled in his brow. “Of course not, my dear.”
I sank back down onto the papasan. A moment later he settled beside me, his hand finding my knee. “What’s the problem here?”
“I fucked up, big time,” I said, picking at a loose thread on the cushion.
“I thought we weren’t talking about those.”
“We’re not. Other than the fact that I cursed another guy.” My head hung low and I thumbed over my shoulder. “That guy. Hunter.”
“Didn’t you learn?”
“Yeah. But Graham wasn’t coming back. He didn’t even let me know he left. It was pretty simple. We were done. Except… he did come back, and I can’t just throw Hunter out because my old plaything’s back in town. I owe him more than that.”
“Well, my dear, I highly suggest you search some of the ol’ books for an answer to this predicament.”
“I did. I even asked the aunts. We haven’t found anything that can help me.”
“Even in the bunker? There has to be something there.”
“The… bunker?”
Uncle Silas pressed two fingers to his temple and closed his eyes briefly, the picture of a man exercising the last of his patience. “You know, the one behind the washing machine.”
“Wha-what are you talking about?”
“Oh, good heavens, haven’t you done any exploring since I’ve been away?”
“No. I didn’t know I was supposed to.” I reached through him and clutched a pillow, pulling it to my front like a hug for emotional support.
Uncle Silas scoffed and shook off his discomfort. “Haven’t you had cases involving the paranormal that required extra…” he made air quotes with his fingers, “expertise?”
“No, I’ve gotten two calls for pets that were stuck haunting their people. Only one turned out to be a raccoon in the chimney. So all this paranormal P.I. business you’d thought I’d be drowning in? It’s not really here.”
“My dear, trust me it’s here. You’re new. You have to get your nameout there, and not in the way you have been. Spreading your legs for the camera is not going to pay your bills the way you think.”
“Well, it has so far,” I mumbled from the corner of my mouth.
“No. That was that poor officer sending you money in the middle of the night.”
“I am well aware. But it wasn’t just Graham. I have 240 paying subscribers in my top tier of $100 per month. That’s $24,000 a month, not counting Graham’s Super Vices, in case you’re bad at math,” I snapped.
“I don’t appreciate your tone.”
“And I don’t appreciate you trying to make me touch corpses for a living. I’d much rather get off on camera, make some easy money without getting ectoplasm on me, and leave the dead bodies and murderers to the police.”
“Bah—you’re being unreasonable.” Uncle Silas disappeared in a puff of green smoke.
I stood up and yelled into the void. “No, you’re being unreasonable! Not everyone wants to stick their nose in other people’s hauntings!”
I clutched the pillow tight in my fist, then chucked it back on the papasan. “Just make yourself scarce when Hunter’s around! Oh, and the family will be here in a week and I cant handle one more unexpected turn of events!” I collapsed back into my seat and brought my knees to my chin, curling into a ball, ready to give up on everything.
Was it really so bad that I didn’t want to spend my life touching rotting bodies? Was it really so bad that I’d rather sit at home, masturbate for money,only having to leave for an award show or to restock my dwindling supply of Tootsie Rolls?
God, I missed Chester. I missed my life before this particular curse. I missed Katie and Derek... and Graham… Ireallymissed Graham.
