“I said I’m fine.”I head off down the tunnel and don’t look back.I know if I do, I’d crumble into his arms.And I know there’d be cameras watching.And I know what story they’d run on every front and back page for the next six months.And I know my heart couldn’t handle that.
Doom Scrolling.That’s what they call it.I’ve spent the last forty-eight hours deep diving the internet, finding every piece of bad news stories written about me.And for a semi successful twenty-year-old footballer, there’s a lot.And sure, I know some of it might boil down to jealousy, but some of it is spite.And I know that.And yet, I keep looking.
Kyle Thurston, 20, footballer, doesn’t think gay people matter.
Is Kyle Thurston, 20, the FIRST EVER OUT GAY footballer?Read on to find out!
Kyle Thurston, footballer, mocks injury of former best friend in wild and exuberant match winning celebration.
Kyle Thurston and his humble upbringing.Where did it all go wrong?
Click bait articles are so stupid, but some of them are in actual printed newspapers.Trish has told me to stop reading them.But I can’t.It’s like picking a scab and watching it bleed over and over.
There’s one headline that is worst of all, and I pray to anyone who will listen, that AJ hasn’t read it.I have no idea where they got the idea from either.
Kyle Thurston, 20, has no respect for fellow footballer AJ, also 20.One source tells us that Kyle doesn’t respect AJ due to having a privileged background and buying his way into the most successful English club.Some say Kyle has said this to deflect the rumors that he is the closeted footballer.Some sources say they have proof, as Kyle has been seen on ‘dates’ and ‘hookups’ with gentlemen, often meeting them in the early hours of the morning.‘AJ is always being pictured with beautiful women, and he plays for the more successful team, so it’s no wonder Kyle is trying to yank some of his spotlight,’ says a source close to the situation.
Who the hell is the source?I’d love to meet this fictional character.I know full well how much AJ has worked, and for him to think that I said these horrible things about him, it crushes me.Sure, I think he’s a cheater, but I know he has skill.
And I haven’t even gotten to the panic inducing parts in that story, where someone claims to have footage of me in a late night sexcapade.I know this isn’t true, as the only company I’ve kept is my left hand and my toys.And I make sure to keep the curtains closed.Fuck.I think about shooting AJ a text, but my head can’t deal with that right now.
I can hear Trish down in the kitchen, and I can smell what she’s cooking.My stomach grumbles in worry.Her last batch of experiments went right through me like an express train.
I’m sitting in the living room with Trish.Our eyes glued to the TV.The England captain is talking, and he’s about to reveal his team selection for the final qualification stages of the Global Cup.Coach thinks I’ve done well enough to earn a call-up, but this England coach has his favorites.He likes to rely on the old heads, the ones who won the European Championship, and I get it, but there isn’t a player under twenty-seven right now—and that’s young, I get it, but the average age is also thirty-three, which, in footballers’ terms, is ancient.
He’s going from back to front: goalkeepers, defenders, and midfielders.
“And onto the strikers.I would like to give call-ups to…”
I hold my breath.
“Aaron Johnson.”
“What the fuck?”Trish shouts at the TV.
“And Kyle Thurston.”
“Fuck,” I say, because that’s all I can say at this moment in time.
Trish raises her eyebrows and says, “Will you?”
I throw a stupidly expensive throw pillow at her, and it hits her in the face.She launches it right back at me, hard enough to draw tears in my eyes.
“It’s all coming true.You’re going to be roommates and you’re going to get it oooon!”She gyrates her hips in the least sexy way hips have every been gyrated.
“Why are we going to be roommates?”I ask, entertaining her crazy thoughts…and my worst nightmare.
“Because you’re the only new ones on the squad.Everyone else knows each other.You’re the youngest.You grew up together.Need I go on?”
“No.”
“This is brilliant,” she says, at the same time I’m saying it’s the worst.And it really is—for so many reasons.This is the stuff I’d dreamed of, to play for England with my best friend.But he’s my literal enemy now.A small part of me wants to reach out to him.But I can’t.
Chapter 18
AJ
I’m on a coach with the England squad.Sorry, reigning European Champions, England.I’m sitting at the back, with my headphones on, taking it all in.I spot Kyle step on and sit at the front.He is the only one with a compact disc player, like some unironic hipster.He’s always liked his older media and not given a shit.I like that about him.There’s a lot I like—yes,like—about him.I thought about reaching out to him to congratulate him and us for achieving our dreams.Then the goal celebration swims into my mind.Then the articles calling me all sorts of names.I don’t want to think he was the source.I don’t want to believe he was the one behind the scathing words, but when silence grows between two former friends, the only thing you can count on is the whispers.I saw the way he looked at me.I heard the tone in his voice when I tried to help him.I have come to the conclusion that he doesn’t want me in his life, and I get it, it’s virtually impossible for us in our position.
