“Can we try and focus on how incredible this journey is?Me and you, playing for England.Playing for Union and for…City.We are living our dreams.”I try to steer the topic into a different direction.I may be an ass, but I don’t like hurting AJ.
“And we could be the first ever gay couple in the men's league,” he says, and I look at him, finally.His eyes are full of hope.I don’t deserve his love.I don’t deserve his trust.
“Do you really think we’ll be accepted?”There’s a sharp tone in my voice and something quickly flashes in AJ’s eyes.I don’t like that I’ve hurt him—keep hurting him—but I can’t help it.
“Do you really care?For every nameless profile online calling us a fag, there’s thousands at home, cheering us on.There’re people like us, afraid to come out, thanking us for being brave enough to make the step.But here’s the thing, Kyle.I don’t want to do this alone.I need you by my side.I need you on this journey.”Tears are in his eyes; he reaches for my hands, and I take them.His hands are much bigger than mine, and I watch them engulf mine.He rubs the top of my hand with his thumb.
“I...I don’t think I’m strong enough.”
“Ky,” his eyes are pleading.
“Can you at least give me some time?”
“Of course!I wasn’t planning on declaring our love to the world tomorrow.”
My heart gets jammed in my chest.Heloves me?I blink at him.How in the world can someone like him love me?He’s funny and kind, and the life of, well, everything.And I’m, I’m just me.I go around with a face of thunder, and I’m constantly living in my head.What can he possibly see in me?
“Are you okay?”he asks.
“Yeah.I didn’t realize, that’s all.”
“Realize what?”His thumb is still rubbing the back of my hand, and he’s shuffled closer to me.I can feel his breath on my face.His eyes are the perfect shade of mahogany in this light.
“That you, um, that you love me,” I say it quickly, and now I want to bury my head in the sand like a stupid Ostrich…but I read somewhere that’s actually a myth.So I’ll bury my head in the pillows, thank-you-very-much.
“Of course, I do.I don’t want to scare you off, but I always have.It’s always been you, Ky.Always.And I know you.Iknowyou’re thinking you don’t deserve love.Iknowyou feel you’re unworthy of it.Butknow this:you are.If you saw what I see when I look at you on a daily basis, you would understand.So, I’m going to spend the rest of my time with you, helping you realize it, if you’ll let me.”
Words.What are they?I feel floaty.My heart feels full.He’s the only person who sees me for who I am.
“I...”I stutter like a fool.
“You don’t have to say anything now.I’m not going anywhere.Unless you say you don’t want to be with me, of course.”He laughs nervously.
Forgoing words, I close the distance between us and brush my lips against his.We fall back onto the bed, and our lips become one.
Sometime after our third time, I volunteer to go downstairs to get something to eat, to restore our energies.AJ has valiantly decided to come with me because we’re “more famous now” and he doesn't want me to “get mugged,” or worse, have me “talk to someone.”I swear he thinks all I do when he’s not around is grunt and scowl.I mean, he’s not wrong, but he doesn’t have to come for me that hard.
One of the perks of being a football prodigy is everyone feels inclined to say yes to you.You want a steak cooked at 11 pm?Sure, no problem.Protein shake with obscure ingredients?Yep, no problem.I initially felt bad for using our status, but then I thought about all the people who have made homophobic comments online and in the stands.And, well, yeah, I want a steak and protein shake.
“This steak is amazing,” AJ says in between mouthfuls.
We’re in a semi-deserted section of the hotel restaurant, no one is near us, but I still scold him for talking with his mouth open.Honestly, what a heathen.
I finish a mouthful, wipe my lips with the thick napkin provided, and say, “It’s pretty good, yeah.”
“Pretty good?Come on, Ky.”
I swear, every time he says that nickname, butterflies erupt in my stomach.The walls around my heart are being reduced to rubble, and roses are growing in their place.
“I’m not saying it’s bad.”
“But for a steak at eleven at night?I’d say it's more than pretty good.”
“I understand what you’re saying, but I stand by my words.The protein shake is great, though.I’m going to send Trish a picture of it.”
“Do you send all the girls pictures of yourprotein shakes?”he asks, raising his eyebrows seductively.
“Why does that sound like a euphemism coming from you?”
