“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just full.”
Trend looked at my plate. “You ain’t eat half.”
“It’s twins,” I said. “Not a bottomless pit.”
They laughed, but he kept lookin’ at me.
Because I was sure he knew.
After a while, we moved from the table back to the living room.
Charlee and Charlie Mac was on the couch, arguin’ light about whether the baby was gon’ like old school music or new shit.
Truce and Trend were in the kitchen, puttin’ leftovers away and talkin’ low.
I stood up slow, hands on my belly.
“I’ma go lay down for a second,” I said. “My back screamin’.”
“You need help?” Charlie asked.
“No, I got it,” I said. “Y’all chill. I’m just goin’ to the room.”
I made it to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, breathin’ out.
A minute later, the door clicked soft.
Trend stepped in, closin’ it behind him.
“You not slick,” he said.
I looked up at him. “What?”
“You came in here to cry,” he said simply.
My eyes burned on cue.
“Mind your business,” I tried, but my voice broke and that was it.
Tears slipped out quick, hot and messy.
He crossed the room in two steps and crouched down in front of me, hands restin’ on my knees.
“Talk to me, Fee,” he said. “Forreal this time.”
I shook my head, wipin’ my face. “I’m tired of talkin’. Don’t nothin’ change.”
“Then say somethin’ different,” he said. “You keep throwin’ the same ‘you always gone, you don’t be here’ at me, and I’m hearin’ ‘you ungrateful’ even if that’s not what you mean. Tell me what you really feelin’.”
I stared at him, chest heavin’.
“I’m scared,” I blurted. “Scared for real. I feel like… I’m about to jump into a pool and I don’t know if I can swim, and youstandin’ on the side sayin’ ‘I built the pool for you, what you mad about?’”
His face dropped.
“I’m scared I’m gon’ be in this house by myself with two newborns,” I went on. “Scared I’ma lose myself. Scared I’ma be the strong one for everybody till I break, and when I do, ain’t nobody gon’ know what to do wit’ me. I’m scared you gon’ get so caught up in ‘providin’’ that you forget I need you to be here. Not just for pictures. For the ugly shit.”
Words poured out now like somebody opened a damn faucet.
