Roman laughed low. “Yeah, I can tell by your face your evening just changed.”
“Man, fuck you.”
He laughed again. “Call me later.”
“I got you.”
I ended the call and tossed my phone on the couch cushion beside me.
April didn’t move.
“What?” I asked.
Her eyes narrowed. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out. What is up with you?”
I already knew where this was going, and honestly, I wasn’t in the mood. But April wasn’t one of them women you could brush off and expect it to just go away.
“Ain’t nothing up with me.”
She pushed off the wall and came closer. “Yes, it is. You been distant for days now. Barely talking. Barely touching me. You keep looking like your mind somewhere else, and every time I ask you about it, you give me some weak-ass answer.”
I let out a slow breath and stood up from the couch. “April, I said I’m good.”
“No, you’re not,” she snapped. “And I’m getting tired of you acting like I’m too stupid to see it.”
That hit me a little because one thing about April, she paid attention. Too much sometimes.
I dragged a hand over my face. “It ain’t even like that.”
“Then what is it like?” she asked, throwing her hands up. “Because we’re supposed to be getting married, Royce, and instead of feeling like we moving forward, I feel like you pulling away from me.”
My jaw tightened.
That wasn’t what I was doing.
At least I don’t think it was.
But hearing her say it like that made me feel like shit, because I knew I had been off. I knew I had been moving funny. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her why.
How the fuck do you tell the woman you love that the closer the wedding gets, the more scared you are?
Not scared of her.
Not scared of loving her.
Scared of marriage.
Scared of what comes after the vows.
Scared of failing.
Scared of waking up one day and being the kind of man she regrets choosing.
Scared because I seen what love could look like at its best through Roman and Mo, and I also seen what happens when life decides to snatch that shit away.
Roman was strong, but I watched that pain hollow him the fuck out.
And deep down, I knew I wasn’t built like him.
