He tried to fight back, catching me with a wild swing to the jaw. I barely felt it. I dragged him up by his shirt and drove him into the side of a rock wall lining the edge of the beach.
He grunted, elbowed me, then pulled a knife from somewhere on him so fast I reacted a second too late.
The blade sliced across my jaw causing me to staggered, and before I could recover, he drove the knife into my side.
Pain ripped through me, but it wasn’t stronger than my rage.
I grabbed his wrist, slammed it against the rock until the knife fell, then wrapped both hands around his throat. He clawed at me, gasping, kicking, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. All I could see was Mo bleeding in the sand. All I could hear was her telling me she was carrying my child.
I squeezed until his body gave out.
When I finally let him go, he dropped.
I stood there swaying, blood running down my face, my side burning, my chest hollowed clean out. Then I looked back toward the shoreline and saw my wife still lying there, so far away.
I made it back to her and collapsed beside her body, pulling her into my lap even though I knew it was too late. I held her until my arms went numb. Until the sirens came. Until the sky darkened. Until I couldn’t tell her blood from mine.
My chest heaved as I shot up in bed, drenched in sweat, the scream dying in my throat. My hand flew to the scar on my face, then to the empty space beside me, gripping the cold sheets. Then everything came back to me. There was no Mo, and this was just another one of them fucked-up nightmares I’d been having for the past year.
I rolled over and eased out of bed. I walked to the window and looked out at the bright-ass sun shining in. It was coming up on the anniversary of Mo’s death and what would’ve been our three-year anniversary, and it felt like my nightmares were getting worse. I had been working day in and day out trying to keep my mind off the date, but grief don’t work like that. That kind of pain never really leaves.
I had thrown myself into business and making money. Straight tunnel vision. I had made so much money off going numb and staying focused that sometimes I found myself wondering what all this shit was even for. I still loved Mo with my whole heart. Still thought about her every day. But I also knew I ain’t wanna be some old lonely man. I still wanted kids. Still wanted somebody to leave my legacy to.
The ringing from my front camera broke me out of my thoughts, letting me know somebody was driving up my driveway. I walked over to my dresser and checked the screen. It was my brother Royce.
I made my way downstairs and opened the front door. Royce stood there looking like he had a lot on his mind.
“Fuck wrong wit you?” I asked, turning to walk off with him following behind me.
“Man, I’m getting married soon.”
I looked at this nigga like he was crazy.
“Nigga, I know,” I said with a chuckle. “Let me guess…you getting cold feet?”
“What if I fuck up?”
“Bro, you been with April for years, and she stayed down through your dumb ass shit. You asked her to marry you because you said you was ready. You are ready, right?”
“Of course I’m ready. I just hope I don’t fuck up.”
“If you ready, then stop overthinking. Ain’t nobody got all the answers. You just love her right and keep showing up.”
He nodded, letting that sink in.
“Now what’s up with your bachelor party?” I asked. “You still wanna do it at 4 Play?”
“Yeah, as long as it’s closed to the public.”
“I’ma do it at the smaller location over Philly, so yeah, it’ll be closed to the public.”
“Aight, cool.” He paused. “So what’s on your agenda today?”
“Nothing much. Same old bullshit. Work.”
“Nigga, you never not working. How about you head out and do something fun for once?”
I let out a dry laugh and rubbed my jaw. “I was thinking about taking a trip and shutting myself off from the world during me and Mo’s anniversary.”
