"I was only eighteen summers at the time," Calla said, hoping Rebbie would understand. Hoping he would not hate her. "My maid told me 'twas likely Stanbury was unable to sire abairn, for he'd had two other wives but no children. She gave me the idea about what to do. I didn't want to. I've felt horrible about committing adultery and deceiving you, but… I love Jamie so much, I don't regret it." She looked Rebbie in the eye, hoping he believed her now, for she told the complete truth. "That night with you was amazing, the best of my life. I told myself if nothing else in my life is ever good again, at least I have those two things—my beloved son, and the memory of that night with you. And that would be enough." She swallowed hard. "I thank you for both."
Rebbie closed his eyes and tilted his head back as if in utter misery. "Why the hell didn't you tell me this during the past couple of weeks… while we were at Tummel Castle? Or even last night?"
She shook her head. "I couldn't. Don't you see?"
"Nay, I certainly do not," he said in a hard tone.
"I knew you would be angry, and I feared that you would want to claim him as your own and take him from me."
"Of course, I want to claim him as my son, but I would never take him from you."
"You can never claim him," Calla said in a harsh whisper. "'Twouldmake him an outcast and a bastard. He would lose the Stanbury title and I would be brought before Scottish Parliament and the Kirk as an adulterous woman. You would ruin Jamie's future."
His chest aching, Rebbie cursed at the rage and helplessness burning through him. He knew she was right, but everything in him rebelled against it. "Damnation, Calla, he should be my heir." But he knew the lad could never be, no matter what he did.
"He cannot legitimately be made your heir because we could not have married when he was born. I was already married at the time."
"I'm well aware!" he snapped.
"That's why I didn't tell you. It would've made no difference. And I didn't ken whether I could trust you at first."
"You didn't trust me this past week, after all we went through?" he asked, unable to believe her words. He'd saved her life and protected her.
"Of course, I trust you now. But your father doesn't like me. He's a powerful man and when he finds out…" She shook her head. "He could easily bring ruin to us. Besides, I didn't want you to hate me."
Did he hate her? Nay, he was certain he didn't, but he was too furious to think about it right now.
"You were never going to tell me, were you? You hoped I would never find out." He'd been planning to ask her to marry him. What a mistake that would've been.
She simply watched him, not answering. She didn't have to. He knew the answer. If he hadn't seen the lad and figured it out for himself, she would've kept her secret.
"How could you even claim to love me?" he asked.
"I do love you. I didn't lie about that." With her eyes, she pleaded with him to believe her.
He shook his head. "I don't see how, if you didn't trust me or want me to know about my own son." Rebbie slammed the door on his way out of the room. He had to get the hell out of here before he destroyed the place. Ignoring everyone around him, he strode through the great hall and outside toward the stables.
He had to ride, get away from her, so he could think. He told George to saddle his horse.
"Where are you going?" Lachlan called out behind him as he rushed across the courtyard. "Are you going to deal with Claybourne?"
"Nay. I'd likely kill the bastard if I saw him just now. I'm going for a ride. I have to think."
"Want some company?"
"Nay." Rebbie had to be alone. He craved unencumbered freedom as he never had before.
Lachlan scowled. "What if you should run into Claybourne and his garrison?"
"I'll kill as many of them as I can."
"Rebbie, don't be daft," Lachlan muttered.
"The lad is my son, but I can never claim him. 'Twoulddestroy his future." Rebbie felt as if a bull had gored him in the chest.
"Damnation, man.'Tisa hell of a thing to find out."
Rebbie nodded and as soon as George led Devil out, Rebbie mounted.
