***
It’s Jo’s day off. I call to say I’m running late and hear her sigh with frustration.
‘I’ve got a meeting after work. I won’t be too late,’ I say, trying to appease her. I’m supposed to pay Raven today, but for some reason, Rupert hasn’t transferred the ten thousand he owes me. I’m feeling panicky, and lack of coke isn’t helping. I’m finding it hard to think straight. I need to chill out. I’m too on edge.Think clearly.I know that I need to stop knocking back the white snow. It’s affecting my judgement. I’m sleeping poorly, and soon Jo is bound to notice. But I just can’t seem to cope without it now.
I rub my sore eyes and see that my hands are shaking. Nic thinks everything is going great. I’ve given him the impression I’ve been winning at the roulette table, but I haven’t. I still owe Rupert’s guys three thousand.
‘You’re living the charmed life, mate,’ Nic said.
I laughed: it had sounded slightly hysterical.If this is a fucking charmed life, then you can stick it.
The new house is costing a fortune. The mortgage is killing me, and that’s not taking into account the mortgage on the flat. Jo’s using the credit card all the time, ordering stuff for the house. All fucking designer because that’s what Alice advises herto get, and, of course, there’s Alice’s bloody fee, which is going to be sky high. There’s the fucking gym membership and the repayments on our cars. The preschool fees and Nicola’s salary. All that, and I’ve been losing more than I’ve been winning.
So, I’ve borrowed money from a loan shark to keep my head above water. I knew that, with two mortgages hanging around my neck, I’d never get a loan from the bank. But the interest on the loan increases daily. I can’t keep up.
There’s a knock at the door and I jump. Before I can saycome in, the door opens, and Rupert strolls into my office.
‘Not interrupting anything, am I?’ he asks.
His voice is soft and reasonable, but I detect a level of anger beneath it.
‘No, not at all,’ I say breathlessly. He sits down without asking permission.
‘I hope you don’t bear a grudge, Daniel. Only the cocaine was affecting you. I hear you still owe the boys three thousand.’
‘I’m going to pay it tonight,’ I lie.
He smiles.
‘Well, that’s good to hear.’
I hide my hands beneath the desk so he can’t see them shaking. ‘I, erm, didn’t get my payment for the last transaction,’ I say nervously. I’m starting to feel sick.
That’s when everything changes. Rupert jumps up suddenly and is around the table before I even have time to stand up. He grabs me by the lapels of my jacket.
‘I came here to tell you that you’re out, Daniel. You fucked up the last deal. It went to the wrong account. Why should I fucking pay you for losing me money? I want that money back, Daniel. So there’ll be no more monthly payments in the future. I’m not paying you anything until I get that money back.’
He releases me with a jerk, and I fall backwards. ‘I didn’t fuck up,’ I stutter, wobbling back to my chair. And honestly, I feel sure I didn’t.
‘It seems that you did. I’ll be nice to you, Daniel. I’ll pay the boys your drug debt. However, you’ll need to correct the books. You owe me, and I want that money back. Don’t eventhinkof crossing me.’
I exhale heavily. How the fuck did I make a mistake? I’m always so careful.
‘But that was two hundred thousand,’ I say, and groan. ‘I can’t put that through the books so soon after the last payment.’
Rupert looks out of the window.
‘Nice view, this. I hear you’ve renovated a beautiful house in the Cotswolds. Maybe you could remortgage your nice apartment.’
Fuck, he knows where I live. I’ll kill Nic.
‘The thing is, Danny boy, I’ve now got people coming after me. Now, these aren’t nice people, and I don’t want trouble, and neither do you, so why don’t you fiddle around with those books of yours and get my money sent to the right account?’
I feel sure my heart won’t keep up with this racing. I’m going to have a stroke. ‘I’ll need some time. I’ll have to juggle things so no one notices. I can’t do two transactions that close together. You have to let me have that.’
He stares long and hard at me. ‘Ihaveto?’ he asks finally.
‘No, I didn’t mean—’
